Seriously, Ash

Only my Mia

2010-12-12T21:05:00.002-07:00

Seriously.

Only MY daughter.

It's okay, I'll take my little miss with the silly eyes and finger diggin' for gold.

I Am Thankful For

2010-11-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

-A warm bed to sleep in every night
-A beautiful, healthy, energetic, dramatic, loving, caring, silly little girl
-A family who will accept me no matter what
-My (mostly) good health that allows me to enjoy my blessings
-My close friends who will catch me when I fall
-A sister who I can tell anything to without fear of rejection
-A mother who will constructively criticize my actions with my feelings in mind
-The Internet so I can keep in contact with my loved ones
-YOU! I'm so thankful for you and you and you.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours :)

This Post Has Been Brought to You Today by the Letter R

2010-11-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

R stands for Request.

I've been receiving little nudges here and there from friends asking me why I've been slackin' on the whole blog thing.

My reason being?

I have no reason.

I've found some other little corners of the Interwebs that fill my down time (read: no time).

Thanksgiving is 3 days away. Can you believe it?

Over the next 3 days I'll post some of the things I'm thankful for to share with you.

This is just the layout of my game plan.

Sound good?

Okay, then.

Tune in!

Truthful Tuesday

2010-11-09T19:15:00.001-07:00

When you live with someone and see them day in, day out, you don't see their outward appearance change, unless it's pretty drastic, of course.

For instance, I see Mia every day. Day in. Day out.

I know she's growing up, developing and becoming her own little person.

I didn't realize how grown up she looks.

Until today.

Mia's preschool had the kids' pictures taken by the people who do school pictures for Elementary, Jr. High and High schools a few weeks ago.

I was sure that the pictures would come back with her eyes closed, her mouth moving in mid-sentence or she'd throw a fit.

But when I walked into her school tonight to look at the photos, I was shocked.

Who is this little girl?!

This beautiful, proper, blue-eyed, sassy girl?

She's my Mia.

My mom and I had a debate about purchasing photos because of the hefty price.

She made a good point, though. I could easily take beautiful pictures of Mia, around our neighborhood, edit them and save them on a zip drive. The money we were going to use on the portraits can go toward printing photos from Walmart, Walgreen's or even Costco for next to nothing.

What funds are left over, I'll be making the pictures into Christmas gifts for my friends and family.

No, no sneaky people. I definitely won't be posting those pictures here.

Without further ado, here's Mia's pictures...

PS If you're interested in a Christmas Card this year, please provide your mailing address to me either here or in my personal email!

Truthful Tuesday - Wednesday Edition

2010-11-03T20:39:00.001-06:00

*1. I have a test tomorrow and rather than be happy that I've completed my workbook and have studied, I'd rather skip school tomorrow and stay in bed with my electric blanket on. It's been raining all day, and it's pretty chilly outside.

*2. I've had a headache ALL. DAY. LONG. No joke. The intensity has been rising and falling and has been flirting with a full blown migraine for the better half of the afternoon and early evening.

I've said it before, and I'm gonna say it again: People who have never experienced a migraine think we (that do suffer from them) are a bunch of babies and it's all in our heads. Well, yeah. It's in our heads! And it hurts!

*3. I'm a little worried. About a number of things. I'll just be vague and leave it at that, though.

*4. I'm so glad Halloween is over. Don't get me wrong, I love Autumn. It's my favorite season. The only part of Halloween that I enjoy is the decorating, and even then, I don't really decorate with Halloween themes. It's more like decorating for fall. Scarecrows out on our front porch. Leaf garlands on the railing in the house. Apple, Harvest and a few other Autumn smelling candles. Pumpkins for indoor decoration. You get where I'm going.

There are too many scary Halloween activities going on during that time. All the scary movies are on, haunted houses, haunted corn mazes and everything else scary. No, thanks.

*5. Now that this has been a pretty pessimistic and down post about my woes, I guess I'll leave you with a happy thought. It's almost Friday! Happy Hump Day, Internet!

A is for Autumn

2010-10-30T21:03:00.000-06:00

Fall is in full swing here in Tennessee!

With that said, here are a few pictures of what Mia's been up to in the past few weeks...

Mia at her preschool's Halloween party

(I'm so proud of myself for making her tutu and hair-ties)

Mia and her favorite teacher at school

We had to stop at Pacca's work to trick or treat (and let Pacca brag and show off his granddaughter)

Getting ready for Mia's preschool fall festival

~~Face~~ Hand painting

Cuppie!

All of the leaves are turning beautiful colors.

Planning a drive to snap some pictures of the foliage in the next week or so.

30

2010-10-30T11:59:00.001-06:00

Here we are, at the end.

It's been fun and difficult to be honest and open (even though some confessions were pretty vague) for everyone and anyone to read.

I saved 30 for it's own post because I felt it needed to be alone.

I have my moments where I internalize everything.

Most of these things that I'm writing to myself are the things that I have to remind myself to do on a daily basis.

I strive to be a better person every day.

I definitely have my days where I feel like it wasn't even worth getting out of bed.

That's when I have to take a hard look at myself and get down to the root of the problem and fix it.

This 'letter' isn't even half of what I would write to myself.

This is only the beginning:

30: A letter to yourself.

Dear me,

Be happy.

Smile more.

Laugh more.

Relax.

Breathe.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Remember that this too shall pass.

You are a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman who is capable of anything you set your mind to.

Be patient.

Be kind.

Squeeze every moment you can into making memories with your daughter.

Be slow to get angry and quick to forgive.

Don't judge a book by it's cover.

Learn something new every day.

Speak softer and slower.

Observe more.

Finish what you start.

Be thankful for what you have.

Speak up.

Stand out.

Don't settle.

Challenge yourself.

Keep singing.

Surround yourself with people that lift you up.

Remember that everyone wants to be loved.

Remember where you came from.

Know where you're going.

Be prepared.

26 Through 29

2010-10-30T11:49:00.000-06:00

26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I can honestly say that I have never thought about giving up on life.

Everyone has their rough patches that they experience.

It's called life.

27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

I could make a list of everything that's going great at the moment, but I fear if I do, I won't be happy anymore, or I'll lose something.

Superstition, I guess.

I'll just say that I'm content with what I have.

28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I would be very excited/nervous/shocked/panicked.

What would I do? I would do what I did with Mia. I coped and accepted it.

29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I hope to become more positive.

I have my dark, negative moments that seem to be happening more regularly lately.

Really the only people to see the negative spurts are my parents, which starts very heated debates about a number of things including (but not limited to) marriage, children, location, school, work, money, people, etc.

I know when I'm in those dark moments that Mia feels it and it affects her. I don't want her to learn to be a negative person. It makes you and everyone around you unhappy.

21 Through 25

2010-10-29T22:05:00.001-06:00

(Quick! Write it down... I've blogged twice in one day)

21: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I would feel so bad, I'd most likely make myself sick from stressing and worrying.

I know for a fact that as soon as I was able to speak to her in person, I would forget the fight completely and move forward with healing.

22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

I have so many things that I wish I had done differently during certain times in my life, but I wouldn't completely erase or wish that I hadn't done it.

It's made me who I am today.

23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I would have been able to keep my left (and remaining) ovary from my surgery this past March.

I know I would've had to deal with excruciating pain from the endometriosis, cysts and other problems, but I would still be able to conceive a child without the help of a doctor and an egg donor.

I know women out there who naturally cannot bear children and are suffering through infertility.

I know, with every fiber of my being, that I'm very blessed that I was able to bring Mia into this world.

24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

I can't pick out a certain person in my life to make a playlist for.

Not only would it be unfair to the rest of my friends, I just know I couldn't label that person with a playlist of songs.

I do, however, associate certain artists or specific songs with people.

I really wish I could change that quirk because when something goes sour with the friendship, I can no longer listen to the song or artist.

I've lost some excellent relationships with music and artists that way.

25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I have a very strong foundation of friends and family that keep me grounded and safe.

There are some that worry constantly about my well-being and the choices I make in life, but that's what makes them my rock, safe haven and warm arms that are always open when I need it (metaphorically speaking).

16 Through 20

2010-10-29T19:18:00.000-06:00

16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Something: Migraines.

That would be awesome.

17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I haven't read a good book that has changed my views on anything in such a long time (I follow my high school English teacher's family's blog (I am not a stalker. He has adorable kids.) and I'm sure if he read that statement, he'd be so disappointed in me).

Depressing.

18: Your views on gay marriage.

I agree with John Lennon when he wrote, "All You Need is Love"

I believe in equality for all, regardless of race, sex, age, sexual preference, etc.

19: What do you think of religion?

I believe that whatever makes you happy, makes me happy, but I won't indulge in my beliefs at this time.

20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Wow. Um. Drugs and alcohol and my views on them...

I am not in favor of illegal drugs, abuse of prescription drugs or even the word 'drug'.

Alcohol... I enjoy a cold glass of Mascoto D'asti once in a while.

I'm sure I will have let down a few friends who read my blog.

I'm not going to hide it, though.

I'm an adult.

I have a child out of wedlock.

I used to smoke.

I drink sometimes.

I curse and do a lot of other things that my grandmother wouldn't approve of.

This is me.

I will take the bad with the good and will pay for my mistakes, that some people may think I'm making, when I choose to do so.

For some reason I'm dreading the next 5 confessions (no, I haven't read them yet, so I don't know what I'm in for).

I've never posted anything here where I felt I've had to justify myself like I just did.

It's almost a painful, gut-wrenching feeling to do so.

Keep moving forward, right?

11 through 15

2010-10-28T20:10:00.000-06:00

Again... More confessions.

15 more to go.

It's getting harder and harder to answer these.

11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

It's a toss up between my smile and my people skills.

I happen to think both are stellar qualities.

Bad teeth are just... bad.

12: Something you never get compliments on.

Huh.

This is a tough one.

My use of proper driving techniques, like signaling?

Hahaha!

I never realized how much I obeyed traffic laws (and driving etiquette) before I moved to TN.

No one here EVER signals. I loathe lazy drivers. And stupid drivers. And mean drivers.

Gah. Drivers irritate me in general.

13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

Jem

She's definitely had an impact in my life.

Love me some Jem.

14: A hero that has let you down.

Thankfully, none of my heroes have let me down.

That's why they're my heroes.

15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.

I'll answer both.

Something: Fingernail polish.

I've mentioned it in a previous post, but I'll say it again.

I have OCD when it comes to my nails.

I used to bite them down to sore, bloody messes that I hated.

Now, if my nails are polished, I want to keep them that way.

No more biting.

(That brings up my OCD-ness of polish that has to be perfect on my nails. I pick my battles.)

Someone: My sister.

Seriously.

She knows me inside and out. She is my absolute best friend in the entire world.

I trust that girl with everything in my life. There are small things that my mother doesn't even know about that Nicole does.

Even though we're clear across the country from one another, we still manage to talk on the phone for hours on end with no awkward moments.

I wish we lived closer, because we really thrive off each other. We pick each other back up when we've fallen.

She's my person.

6 through 10

2010-10-27T19:17:00.000-06:00

I know I previously said I was going to complete this list during my "Truthful Tuesdays", but I find myself in that annoying child-like mindset of 'Do I go to bed because I'm tired, or slum around on the computer for a little while longer?'

Which do you think I chose?

6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Clean out the food trap from the dishwasher with my bare hands.

Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me gag.

When I lived with my sister she hated that I would never clean it out because I was thoroughly disgusted by even the thought of digging out mushy, cold, wet food out of the dishwasher.

I'll be the first to admit that this is ridiculous. I've raised a small child for the past 3 years and have touched worse things than soggy food, but I just can't do it. No thank you, sir.

7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Total given: Mia

She is my everything. I know I've said it over and over, but every little thing I do affects her. I am responsible for her upbringing and very important decisions in her young life that will have a huge impact on her for the rest of her life.

8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.

I've been very fortunate to have very few people make my life a living hell.

Honestly those people who, I thought, made my life hell, I didn't even know. When I worked for my last job in Salt Lake, I volunteered to be a temporary supervisor for a period of time that was our busiest time of year. This was the first inbound call center job I had ever experienced and I really loved it. Except when it came to dealing with the IRS and people's tax-free money and benefits and other important subjects that made the person on the other end of the phone your number one priority in that 20 minute span of a phone call.

Oh, boy. I had some CRAZY people come across my line.

Would I go back to it? Absolutely. If I didn't have the solution for them at that moment, I would find it for them or get someone who had the solution to help them.

9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I really don't think I have anyone in my life that has just drifted away. There had to be a purpose that we were no longer friends. I make it a priority to keep my close friends close. If I feel that we're drifting apart, in any way, I'll be the first to jump and contact that person.

I believe that there are lengths of time during a friendship that can have some sort of void, but can be picked right back up over a phone conversation or an email.

(I use those comparisons because all of my close friends live 1800 miles away from me, and having lunch, hanging out at a girlfriend's house or meeting up for drinks isn't as easy as it used to be)

10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Oh wow.

This is a really hard confession.

I honestly believe I've let go of the person that I've needed to, but I would never say that I wish I hadn't ever met this person. Because of the role this person played, I know we were meant to meet, be together for a short period of time and part ways.

Truthful Tuesday

2010-10-26T11:03:00.002-06:00

I've noticed from a few blogs I follow that a certain meme has started to make it's rounds.

I first read it on Jessica's blog. She made some good points about how some of these "truths" are very personal, and that she didn't like to open up that much.

There are 30 things that you're asked to answer and I think you're supposed to answer one per day. I'll be the first to tell you that there is no way that I'm going to be able to put that much dedication into my little blog for the next 30 days.

For the next few Tuesdays I'll answer 5 of the 30 the best I can.

After reading the list (which you can find on Jess's blog) I'm a little leery to answer some.

I'll try my hardest not to beat around the bush and just put it out there.

We'll see how it goes.

1: Something you hate about yourself.

(I just love how it asks "SOMETHING", not "make a very long list of things you hate about yourself".

That would be so much easier.)

I hate that I cannot accept genuine compliments without scoffing it off or making a joke.

I know for a fact that it frustrates a lot of people that I'm close to, who often compliment me, but I can't help it. I don't know how to accept compliments gracefully. I twitch, stutter, laugh it off and eventually say, "thank you".

2: Something you love about yourself.

I love my people skills. I'm a natural when it comes to speaking on the phone to strangers (like at school), or chatting it up with a client at school.

3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I need to eventually forgive myself for holding myself back when I was younger. My self esteem is pretty low, and when I was younger I always wanted to do things, but would talk myself out of it because I was too "something" to achieve it or attempt to accomplish it.

4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I feel like I need to forgive someone who wasn't ready to be a father.

I pushed and pushed and it made him run the opposite way.

It was a mutual creation (NOT a "mistake"), but because I was in the position I was, I had to accept it and he didn't.

I don't know if I can do it just yet, though.

The wound is constantly ripped open when I'm going through a rough patch by myself.

No, I'm never really alone, per se, but you understand, right?

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, too. But I'm angry because every decision I make affects her, when (in my opinion) he can do whatever he pleases and doesn't have to think about what time he needs to be home to put someone to bed, or go grocery shopping to feed that someone.

It's just too soon.

5: Something you hope to do in your life.

I hope to be able to become pregnant (with a physician's help, of course) and really experience what it is to be pregnant. I was robbed with my first. Ignorance is not always bliss.

I would take every ache, every stretch mark, every kick, morning sickness, swollen ankles and be blissfully happy to be able to know that I could carry something inside of my body, nurture and bond with it and give birth to something I would and could be responsible for.

School Update

2010-10-22T18:27:00.008-06:00

Ah... School.

Lovely school.

I think I've said it many, many times, but I love the girls on my rotation.

They are like one machine working together to achieve a goal.

Seriously.

If there's the slightest bit of drama, it's shut down that quick and forgotten in the blink of an eye.

This week has been fun.

Classroom two days, and so far two days on the floor.

So far I've shaped up some eyebrows, given two pedicures, one manicure and two haircuts. One of which (today) was on a 5 year old little girl named River. She was a doll. I was so excited to cut her hair! It was a simple "just take off a few inches" cut and that's it. Piece of cake.

I've been working on some of my updo's for proms and weddings. I LOVE updo's! I just like to make people feel beautiful in general. But here are some pics of my updo today:

Front View:

(Terrible quality and bad lighting)

Side View:

Back View:

I had so much fun completing this project! It really looks much better in person, but I'm pretty proud of what I was able to accomplish.

Here are are two of my cute rotation "sisters":

(Definitely more to come since the majority of the girls were out today)

Beautiful Kristin and me

Today was Kristin's last day at school

Lucky girl just graduated

Now she's off to bigger and better things

My Megan

I love this girl

She's so sweet, but has a feisty temper that I love!

More fun pics to come!

So far, school's rockin' my socks off :)

Be Happy

Truthful Tuesday - Wednesday Edition

2010-10-20T18:24:00.002-06:00

I know I let SO many of you down for not posting my regular "Truthful Tuesday" yesterday, so I'm doing it today. Forgive me.

1* I used to bite my nails. All. The. Time. Along with biting my nails came picking at my cuticles and little pieces of lifted skin (that I could only see) resulting in my fingers being a painful mess.

I can't remember when I stopped biting them, but when I did, I flipped my OCD nail biting to polishing my nails. All. The. Time.

I tell myself that I polish them to keep from biting them (which is partly true, as I can't see the imperfections with polish on them), but really it's just a quirk OCD thing.

If my polish starts to peel, if I do dishes and it chips or even if I'm performing any type of nail service at school using polish remover and it messes my nails up in any way, I have to take the polish off and start fresh. I am not crazy.

2* I love freshly made beds, but I can't sleep in a freshly made bed.

I'm the type of sleeper that has to have a pillow between my legs, the comforter bundled up behind me and one of my feet have to stick out from the blankets.

Again, I am not crazy.

3* My favorite perfume/body spray of all time is Sheer Freesia from Bath and Body Works.

Unfortunately they don't sell it in the store, so I have to stock up on it via their website (I'm not fond of online shopping). You know how some people have their signature scents? This one is definitely mine.

4* I own, and have read, multiple times, the entire Twilight Saga collection. The movies suck, unless it's accompanied by Riff Trax and then they're bearable to watch. I've only seen the first two movies with the Riff Trax and they did not disappoint. My ribs and cheeks hurt from just thinking about it.

5* I flat out refuse to watch scary movies. I don't care if it's about the most ridiculous, made up subject that I know would never occur, I will NOT watch it. Horror movies where people are possessed, some weird ghost or spirit is haunting something or anything along those lines are out of the question. There is an exception, though. I'll watch bloody, gory movies that are a little scary, but I'll still put my hands or a pillow in front of my face if I think something is going to scare me. And then after it's over, I'll turn on some happy Disney movie to get those scary images out of my head.

Wherein I Get Technical

2010-10-19T18:49:00.004-06:00

I am happy.

It's a very nice feeling that I was missing there for a while.

I'm happy about school.

I get to spend time with some awesome girls in the classroom and on the floor every day. I watch closely so I can experience different techniques.

I finally went back to my dark color. A few weeks ago my intentions were to achieve this color, but because of all the box color I had used before I was in school (which is a HUGE no-no people as it's a pain in the ass to get out. Just say no to box color, mmkay?) I had to go through a process including bleach to lighten my hair. Bleach and my hair are NOT friends. They don't ever play nice together. In the end the color lifted and we were able to put the copper-ish filler on my hair. I didn't want to put any other color on because my hair was fried. Hence the haircut. Today I sucked it up and was able to get to the color I was content with. I absolutely love it. Until I look too hard at it in the mirror or catch one of the students or instructors at school scrutinizing my hair. Come on. I had it colored at a school by a student and my hair is extremely porous, so it sucked in a lot of the color on the ends.

(If you're curious what colors and formula I used, it was 1 oz 5BR, 1 oz 4BR and 2 oz of 20 developer. Not to mention the copper-ish filler underneath that I can't remember the formulations to.)

End result:

I know that I use this blog as an outlet for frustrations, stupid comments and thoughts, updates about Mia and other things. I won't use it to go into detail about my personal life aka dating and what that entails. I will just say that I've met someone who makes me very happy that I care about very much. I have a lot to be thankful for right now.

A Few Happy Things

2010-10-13T19:04:00.004-06:00

This thing called life certainly throws curve balls at unexpected times.

As much as I want to complain and whine about my day spent standing on my feet and being so bored out of my mind that I couldn't wait to do another load of laundry at school, I'm not going to.

Yeah. Read that again and process what it just said. The Queen of Loathing Laundry just said that she couldn't wait to wash towels.

I digress.

I have a few things to be happy about this week.

Numba One: Mia's doing awesome in preschool. Parent teacher conference was last week and Mia's teacher had nothing but excellent things to say about her. Every one of her teachers adore her and are constantly telling me what a well mannered, helpful and caring child I have. You know that saying, "It takes an island to raise a child" (or something along those lines)? This is very true in my case. I give loads of credit to my mom, dad, sister, bro-in-law, close friends and lots of other people for helping me raise such a great little person.

Numba Two: I am so happy to be surrounded by such great people at school. The girls on my rotation are hilarious, extremely helpful and are full of life. They are constantly making me laugh and pushing me to my fullest. If it weren't for a select few of them today, I would have left during lunch since I wasn't feeling so hot. But I got through it. Because of them. Thanks girls :)

Numba Three: The weather here has been awesome lately. Autumn on the East Coast is seriously magnificent. I can't wait to go for a drive up one of the canyons to take some pictures of the trees that are turning beautiful colors.

Numba Four: Everyone around me is pregnant. Seriously. All of my closest friends (including my sister) are pregnant. Warning to those who are still in Utah, don't drink the water.

My very, very, VERY good friend, Lindsey (who I wrote about in an earlier post) is about 16 weeks along with her first child. Poor Linds has been sick the entire time. She's going to be one of those women who experience horrible pregnancies and end up having the world's best baby. I keep telling her that it's totally worth it in the end. Even when you throw up in your cereal that you were eating before work, it's worth it.

Because Lindsey is such a good friend of mine, her child (we don't know the gender of the baby just yet) will pretty much be my niece or nephew. I'm totally voting for another niece. Nothing against boys, but girls are so much fun.

Baby Jensen is due sometime around March! I couldn't be more excited for both Lindsey and her adorable hubby, Jeff.

You guys will be awesome parents and your instincts will kick in the minute your eyes meet those baby's. I can't wait to meet Baby Jensen!

Truthful Tuesday

2010-10-12T18:13:00.002-06:00

Yep. It's that day again.

1* I have less than 5 people that I trust with every fiber of my being.

You better know who you are.

2* I'm scared to death to graduate from cosmetology school.

Even though my academic scores are high and I have the basics down, I fear I'll walk into a salon (after I have my license) and forget everything I learned in school.

I don't know where all of my confidence from my younger years have gone. I used to be confident in EVERYTHING I did. But now? I question everything I do.

3* When I'm depressed I pull out my Grey's Anatomy DVD's, put on some pj's and think of my sister.

4* I pray every day for more patience with my daughter. I love Mia more than anyone or anything in this world, but some days I feel like I'm going to snap. She is constantly testing me and pushing my buttons. I'm grateful for my parents who will take her aside for a few minutes while I cool off or catch my breath. Parenting is hard.

5* I'm not a collector of anything. I hate trinkets and little knick-knacks. The less I have to clean or dust, the better. I'm pretty sure I'm the opposite of a hoarder. I'm constantly going through my wardrobe, shoes, books or anything else and donating them or tossing them.

Phase One: Complete

2010-10-08T22:25:00.002-06:00

I took my final today to graduate from workshop (where they cram every little detail of EVERYTHING you're ever supposed to know on the floor into your head in 8 weeks) and I passed!

Sure, it wasn't the grade I wanted, but I passed.

I've been so stressed out this past week because of all of these tests.

I got home tonight and felt like I had just come off an adrenaline high. I was physically in pain, major headache and I felt like I was going to snap at any time.

I don't cope with stress well at all.

Obviously.

Monday morning I'll be starting fresh with some new people and I'll get to practice my skills on real people instead of mannequins. I'm definitely looking forward to it.

School's only going to get harder from here on out. I really need to figure out a way to manage my stress and learn how to relax and meditate when I start to panic. The way I cope with stress is internalizing it, ignoring it, skipping meals because my stomach is in knots and not sleeping. I can't do this to myself anymore. A friend of mine that I'm in school with gave me some good tips this afternoon to deal with stressful situations and stressful people.

Anyways... I'm rambling.

Yay for me for passing my final!!

Wasting Time While I Wait

2010-10-06T21:07:00.003-06:00

1. Who will you be with Saturday night?
Not sure.

Family most likely.

2. What woke you up this morning?
My cell phone

3. If you took a drug test would you pass it?
Absolutely

4. Is tomorrow going to be a good night?
Maybe

I have to study for a final and Grey's is on.

I'll take the good with the bad

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Sure did

6. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Miss Mia

7. How many shoes do you have?

Haven't a clue

8. What was your first thought this morning?
I'm really tired

9. Do or did you like school?
*sigh*

Some days I like it

10. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
Yes

But not just anyone

11. Where would you like to live?
Home is where the heart is

As long as I'm happy, I'm good where I'm at

12. Do long distance relationships work?
No

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Haven't figured that out just yet

14. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
5 Years older, wiser and grumpier

15. Who is your best friend?
I have too many really good friends

16. Who do you wish you were with right now?
:)

Someone who's probably still at work

17. Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Linds, I think

18. How often do you log in to Facebook?
Every day

19. Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?:
Talk on the phone

20. How many car accidents have you been in?
None

*Knock on wood*

21. Do you listen to music every day?:
Absolutely

22. Do you still go trick or treating?
I have a 3 year old

What do you think?

23. What was the last thing you ate?
A banana

24. Are you a fast typer?
Yes

25. How many speeding tickets do you have?
I have 1 on my record right now

26. What are you doing tonight?
Nothin' special

27. If you had one whole day to yourself, what would you do?
Massage, facial, mani, pedi... All the pampering stuff

I'm too stressed

28. Is anything bothering you?
Things are always bothering me

29. Do you miss someone?
Yes

30. What do you want to do right now?
Get in bed

31. Are you listening to music right now?
No

32. Are you in a good mood?
So/so

33. What are you doing this weekend?
Not sure

Haven't made plans yet

34. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
No

35. When were you the saddest in your life?
Hmm...

I can't recall

36. Do you own more than one cell phone?
No

37. Do you use EBay to buy or sell?
Nope

38. What makes you mad?
Lots of things

Liars, back-stabbers, stupid drivers to name a few

39. Have you ever had a song written about you?
No

40. Have you ever sang in public?
Yes

I was in choir in school

41. What songs make you happy?
Lots of songs make me happy

42. What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
Silence

43. Do you have a job?
No

44. What does your ipod have in it right now?
I don't have an iPod

I'm lame

45. How many close friends do you have?
A good handful

46. What makes you happy?
People close to me

48. Have you ever loved someone and were too scared to tell them?
No

49. Next concert?
Haven't a clue

50. Name one song that explains your current life
One Fine Day by Natalie Merchant

Truthful Tuesday

2010-10-05T18:59:00.004-06:00

I stole this idea from a blogger I follow. Her truths are probably more interesting than mine, but here we go...

Rules: 5 truths that I may think people don't know about me.

If you follow me and are interested in asking a question (anonymously or not), let me know and I'll definitely answer it!

1* After watching Seven Pounds with Will Smith, I am now deathly and insanely terrified of box jellyfish. I have a friend who is SO scared of octopus. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing to be afraid of until I realized I developed this fear for a similar sea creature.

2* I use Twitter religiously, but it's a private account. I never accept family members or close friends as followers because I am completely honest and brutal there. It's my realm to bounce things off strangers, vent and complain about school, family and friends. I like to think I've made several friends all around the US and I value their opinions very much.

3* I'm a firm believer in Karma. If anyone were to ask me for money at school or a job, somewhere I know I would see this person again, I would lend them some money. When I lend out money I always say, "Now if I were ever in need of something, I hope you'd be there for me". It's my own little theory in life.

4* I seriously think I'm going to fail my final test this Friday to get out of workshop. For some reason I can't seem to retain any of this information I'm learning. It's scary because next week (should I pass the test) I'll be on the floor working on real people.

5* I really wish I could pull out my acrylic paints or my oil pastels and create things again. I live in a beautiful part of the country and the leaves are starting to change color. It would be the perfect time to take a drive around some rural areas, snap some pics and sit on my back deck and paint again. Lots of "woulda-shoulda-couldas" in there, but maybe it'll happen.

Be happy.

The Meaning of Life

2010-10-04T18:46:00.005-06:00

This video was posted by a friend on Facebook today.

It's called The Meaning of Life.

It was nice to sit for 2 minutes, listen to calming music and try to align my life with their meanings.

We all want the same in our lives. It's who you share it with that matters.

Be happy.

Thought...

2010-10-03T20:44:00.001-06:00

Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

Henry David Thoreau

Smile Though Your Heart Is Breaking

2010-09-30T20:02:00.004-06:00

"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go."

Martha Washington

I'm trying to find my "happy" again.

First step: Smile

I love Charles Chaplin's song, "Smile"

The lyrics are so beautiful.

Smile (Charles Chaplin)

Smile,
Though your heart is aching
Smile,
Even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile
Through your fears and sorrow, smile
And maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile,
What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worhwhile,
If you just smile.

Ouch

2010-09-28T21:07:00.003-06:00

I'm warning you now, this post is going to contain a whole bunch of complaining. It's been one of those days.

I finally got in to see my neurologist (that I had scheduled a month and a half ago) today.

Let me just tell you that going to a new doctor sucks. You have to drag up your medical history, vitals, how much you weigh (ugh) and all that fun stuff.

While I was sitting in the waiting room, some coked out woman came storming in demanding to speak to the doctor because she needed stronger narcotic meds for her pain. When the receptionist, who was trying to make her calm down and shut up for two minutes, told her that she'd need to make an appointment, the crack head said, "I'm fixin' to go home and use up the rest of my cocaine stash if he don't fill it".

Whoa.

These people here are crazy. CA-RAZY.

When I got back into the exam room and had discussed my migraine issue with the doctor, his solutions were a mixture of numbing solution and steroids (that he promised would take the pain away immediately) injected into the back of my neck, head and eyebrows, or he could write me some prescriptions to see which one worked.

Back it up, right there. Needles? In the back of my head and face? Or having to pop pills for a long time to see if they worked at all.

I took a deep breath and opted for the shots. He had me lie down and relax my shoulders. I was cool with lying down, but relaxing? No freaking way.

He inserted a test needle and took an x-ray to see where the nerves were. Wasn't too bad. Then he went at it with the needles. Honestly it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but the medicine going in burned like a mother! Once the 6th one was done, I refused the facial shots. No thank you.

I walked out of his office feeling like I had just had a shot of Novocaine in my neck and jaw and was lightheaded. He said that most symptoms afterwards were swelling, soreness and possible blurry vision. Fun.

I thought I could tough it out through school, but once I got there I was extremely nauseous and sore. So I ended up clocking out and going home to lay on a heating pad.

I'm crossing my fingers that this helps. People who have never experienced a migraine have no sympathy towards those who do. They think that popping a Tylenol or Ibuprofen will do the job. It doesn't work that way for me.

I'm trying to think positive throughout this ordeal and tell myself that it was worth it, or will be in the end.

I'm definitely needing some good healing vibes sent my way.

Friends are forever, you might lose them but you'll never forget them

2010-09-27T16:48:00.003-06:00

"Everyone leaves footprints in your memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the ones you will truly remember."
Nicholas Sperling.

I used to have a friend.

Scratch that... She was more of a sister to me than a friend.

She was beautiful, talented, funny as hell and would always be there to vent my frustrations to, or just listen to my constant whining.

Something happened a few years ago when she got married. She married her true soul mate. She moved out of her mom's house, started being a wife and a full-time working gal. I was hurt because I felt that I was put on the back burner. Text messages weren't responded to. Phone calls were never returned. I was mad and hurt. When I'm in that kind of a situation I can say very mean things. Things I regret and wish I could take back.

I wish I could go back and change a lot of things, but I honestly think it wasn't all my fault. This infuriating, hypochondriac friend completely shut me out.

I know that when we all "grow up" and have kids, get married or even just get a job, our priorities have to be shuffled around to make things work. I felt like I was shuffled out of the equation all together.

This friend is expecting her first baby. I'm so happy for her, but I can't tell her because of my pride. I wish I could tell her how much I miss her and how sorry I am for being a stubborn ass. I just can't.

Thanks to mutual friends and the freedom that is the Internet, I can see little tidbits of her life. If I were to talk to her today I would tell her that what she's going through with her pregnancy is completely worth it, that I'm sorry she's so sick and has to put on a brave face to walk into work every day. I would tell her that I admire her for being a strong wife because she has to pick up so much slack in her marriage because her husband has a debilitating disease. I would tell her that even though she thinks she's fat and bloated and will never be the same again that she is beautiful and glowing.

I remember back to the fun days when we would dress up in ridiculous daycare props and dance around (and record) her singing to Britney Spears, or when she taught us how to play my now favorite card game in the entire world.

I let her down because I was selfish. When was going through some rough times with my personal past she was always there telling me that I could get through it and not to make stupid mistakes (which I usually did, anyways). When she decided to spend more time with her family and husband (which she should have been doing), I wanted her to stretch out her time and have our girl's night.

I so badly want to call her and tell her about what's going on in my life right now. Mia misses her so much and asks about her every time she sees a picture of her.

All I have now is a blog to read and a few pictures to look at from the past when we were young and happy.

I miss you, Lindsey Fay.

The Pursuit of Happiness

2010-09-18T17:35:00.003-06:00

Things are looking up, and I find myself smiling more these days.

School is going great and I'm happy with my progress (not to mention lots of fun changes to my hair for next to nothing or, most of the time, free!).

Now that I'm starting to get back into the groove of things, I'm definitely going to be changing a few things with exercising and dieting. I absolutely hate the word "diet", but I notice when I exercise often and I eat well, I feel great. I probably won't post a whole lot about the progress of the weight loss because when I do, I jinx myself and fall off the wagon so far that I end up throwing my hands in the air and saying, "Screw this".

How are you feeling these days? Happy fall's around the corner?

A Very Merry Un-Birthday

2010-09-13T20:20:00.006-06:00

A year and 3 days ago, my very, very good friends threw me the best birthday party.

Seriously.

I don't think it will ever be topped.

(Unless some smokin' hot actor happened to show up on my door step on my birthday just for me, then it may be topped.)

Katrina, Teri, Bonnie and Travis took me out to The Pie pizzeria and then back to Katrina's house for some drinks and lots of fun. And stupid pictures. Lots of stupid pictures.

At The Pie with Bonnie, Travis, Teri and Katrina (not pictured as she's taking the photo):

Teri, me and Katrina

I think we're pretty much closer than sisters:

All the girls!

Katrina, me, Teri and Bonnie:

I have no idea, but I was laughing SO hard

I seriously can't even remember this part of the night:

Moral of the story? Enjoy your friends while you have them. You never know when you (or they) may have to move away.

I love you, girls! I wish you could be here for my birthday!

Carpe Diem

2010-09-05T23:34:00.003-06:00

My last entry was a little depressing. I think it's called life. I'm making a few little tweaks that I'm hoping will lift my spirits a little bit. So far it's working.

Tonight as I was bumming around on my Facebook, I came across a link that a friend posted about being thankful for what God has given us and realizing how fast they can be taken away. Being the curious person I am (I think some may refer to it as "nosy") I clicked on the link. It lead me here. I warn you now that if you click on that link and scroll down to the post titled, "She's a FIGHTER" and continue to read up, I guarantee you will need a Kleenex. Or half a box of Kleenexes like I did. If you don't feel like bawling your eyes out for the length it takes you to read it, it sums up to this: A beautiful couple's 18 month old little girl fell into a canal in Idaho and was life flighted to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. This precious little baby struggled for a week and then her spirit was taken from her family. They go on to talk about how they know their daughter is back with her Heavenly Father and that they will be together again for eternity. (Side note, I couldn't even type all of that without crying. Stupid hormones.)

This got me thinking about how precious life is and how fast our loved ones, young and old, can be taken from us in an instant. We are so quick to get angry at our little ones, quick to judge, quick to accuse. There have been so many books and songs and preachings from grandmothers, religious leaders and other people to live life to the fullest and to appreciate everyone you care about.

I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect. Not even close. I like to think that having Mia has made me a more patient person. It has and hasn't in ways. It's so easy to jump to scold her when all I could have done was calmed down, got down to her level and figured out why she did what she did.

I can't imagine what I would do if the most precious thing in my life were to be taken from me. I literally can't even try to think about it now without breaking into tears. Mia is my life and my soul. She is what makes me wake in the morning and sing lulla-byes at night before bed. When I think about my day while lying in bed at night and I smile or laugh, it's usually because of something Mia has said or has done. She is constantly testing my patience and my love, but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm being forced to slow down in life and made to enjoy looking at the littlest thing in a different light. Who knew spending an extra five minutes before bed, making up silly words to add to a bedtime song would be so fun and so gratifying? I always knew I would be a mom, but I never knew it would feel like this.

I love you, Mia.

Bumps in the Road

2010-08-29T18:12:00.006-06:00

This last Friday was my written and practical exam for haircutting.

I thought I did pretty well. I scored 100/100 on all three written tests and a 99/100 on the practical. Thanks to my mom for volunteering to have an inch trimmed off. I think she was pleased with the results.

(Sorry, no pics to show off the cut)

It's been a rough two weeks of school. I feel like I'm the odd one out in the class and that I don't belong. I feel invisible most days. No one talks to me. No one acknowledges me when I speak. I have a really hard time getting out of my car in the morning without tears in my eyes because I don't feel comfortable. When I was younger my mom moved my sister and I to Mesquite, Nevada. Nicole and I were in elementary school at that time. At school, no one wanted to be my friend. One day when the teacher was called out of the classroom, a group of kids circled my desk and called me names. Hurtful names. I have flashbacks of this now when I walk into my school. I'm 23 years old and I feel like I'm 10 years old again, being surrounded and taunted.

I may not have any friends here. I may sit alone during breaks and lunch. But I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. After receiving the results of the tests on Friday, it reassured me to stick with it. I know that I can get through this.

I went to church today with Duane and Mia for the first time since we've moved here. As I was listening to the speakers in Sacrament I was flipping through my scriptures and kept stopping to skim over ones that had been highlighted from previous seminary or Sunday school classes. It seemed to me that every scripture I read had something in it that said, "Endure to the end" and that God is with me at all times. I haven't been a very religious person lately, but I really needed to know that today. I felt a calmness in my heart that I haven't felt in a very long time; a peace that I had been missing. I know that whenever I feel down or sorry for myself, because I'm not a part of the little cliques at school, I can close my eyes and I know that I'm not alone. I assure you one thing, though: I will not quit. I am determined to follow this through until the very end and make something out of it because this is what I love to do. This too shall pass, right?

Determination

2010-08-23T16:11:00.003-06:00

Today I have been:

Burned

Cut

Skinned

Embarrassed

It's a good thing my mannequin isn't real because I literally drowned her in the shampoo bowl.

My shoulders are killing me, my feet are swollen, my back aches, my fingers are all bandaged.

But when I finally got the hang of graduated layers, it was all worth it.

You bet I'm going back tomorrow for more.

(With some more band-aids and Tylenol, of course)

Back to School

2010-08-15T19:14:00.002-06:00

Joe Fox: "Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils..."

This is my favorite time of the year. You can feel the change in the air.

The mornings are crisp and misty. The afternoons are still warm from summer holding on by it's fingertips. Soon the leaves will be changing colors and the days will be shorter.

School starts tomorrow. Full time for myself and for Mia.

The last time I was in school was about 5 years ago during my stint at community college in Salt Lake.

Am I nervous?

You betcha.

Before I Know It She'll Be In College

2010-08-11T15:04:00.005-06:00

Today was Mia's first day of preschool.

Mia was excited to finally get there and play with her new friends.

Excited in the car.

Of course she had to wear her glasses.

Mia's school is only about 10 minutes from our house, but in that time Mia dozed off.

We're definitely going to bed early tonight.

This was taken right outside of her classroom.

This is where Mia and I parted ways for the day.

The teacher snagged her attention while I sneaked away.

Right before I took this picture, I saw Mia looking around for me and then turned her attention back to the teacher.

I had to wipe a tear from my eye at that moment.

My baby is growing up.

A Few Happy Things

2010-08-09T19:42:00.005-06:00

I have a few happy things to share.

Numba One:

Everything for Mia's preschool has been completed

Enrollment, payment, school supplies, new bag, special "First Day of School Outfit"

Mia is beyond stoked.

Numba Two:

My mom is doing amazing since her surgery.

She's taking things easy and not rushing the recovery.

The most awesome thing about her surgery is that she can finally lay on her back! That may not seem like a huge deal to you, but if you were unable to lay on your back when you slept for the past 13 years, I think you'd be happy, too.

My mom herniated a disc in her lower back 13 years ago when she gave birth to my brother. This surgery was to fuse two discs together and cage them because she had nothing in between the discs for cushion and it was cutting off her nerves and causing lots of pain.

Two discectomies and lots of other therapies later, she's doing fabulous!

Numba Three:

Because my mom's doing so great, I finalized everything today to start Cosmetology school on Monday, August 16th!

I am SO excited!

Numba Four:

One of my best friends in the entire world, who is more of a sister to me than a friend, is pregnant! Alanna is 12 weeks today and I'm convinced that she's having a girl. She's due two days before my sister, Nicole. Both of my favorite girls in the entire world are giving me new nieces or nephews next February! I couldn't be more happy for Alanna and her cute hubby, Caleb. Alanna has been going through some crazy health problems these past few years which made us all think she wasn't going to be able to have any children.

Alanna and I have been friends since we were in the 6th grade. We were best friends through Jr. High and High school and have remained friends since. Alanna sat and cried with me the day I found out I had to have surgery to remove the malignant tumor in my right ovary. She was there after the scariest surgery of my life. She was one of the first people I told that I was expecting Mia. She came to my baby shower. Her brothers and her dad stood in the circle to bless my baby girl. She cried when I told her I was moving to Tennessee. Alanna is such a beautiful, spiritual woman. I miss her so much, and wish I were closer to offer her support through her pregnancy. I can't wait to see pictures of her baby bump throughout her pregnancy and finally meet her bundle of joy in a few months.

Congratulations, Lanna! You are going to be the best mommy!

Baby Story, Due February 2011:

Sunday Survey

2010-08-08T20:56:00.002-06:00

Sorry this isn't a regular post where I share what we've been up to lately. I'm tired and we've got a lot going on this coming week. I would go to bed, but the stubborn inner child of mine won't allow it just now.

What time are you starting this?:

11:08 pm

Name?:

Ashley Kay

Nicknames?:

Ash

Momma

Auntie

Date of birth?:
September 16th

Sex?:
Female, duh

Height?:
5'6"

Eye color?:
Green/blue

Where were you born?:
Salt Lake City, Utah

Number of candles on your last birthday cake?:
I didn't have a birthday cake for my last birthday

If there were, it would have had 23

Pets?:
I don't own any pets, but my parents have a 5 year old Shi Tzu named Dusty

Hair color?:
Auburn

Piercings?:
Just my ears

Town you live in?:
East Brainerd which is southeast of Chattanooga, Tennessee

Favorite foods?:
Pasta

Homemade Tacos

Ice cream

Ever been to Africa?:
Nope

Been toilet papering?:
Oh yes

Love someone so much it made you cry?:
Absolutely

Been in a car accident?:
No

(knock on wood)

Croutons or bacon bits?:
None, thanks

Favorite day of the week?:
Sunday

Favorite restaurant?:
I love the Olive Garden

I'm boring

Favorite flower?:
Gerber Daisies

Favorite sport to watch?:
Football

Favorite drink?:
Dairy Queen has these awesome strawberry lemonade slushies.

OMG so good!

Favorite ice cream flavor?:
I really like Moose Tracks

It's vanilla ice cream with chocolate covered peanuts, mini peanut butter cups and fudge swirls.

YUM

Warner Bros. or Disney?:
Disney

Favorite fast food restuarant?:
DQ, but just for their ice cream or frozen lemonades

Whom did you get your last email from?:
Junk

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?:
Barnes and Noble

What do you do most often when you are bored?:
Waste time online

Most annoying thing to say to me?:
"You gotta be shittin' me"

Seriously? I HATE that.

Bedtime?:
Anytime before 2 am is great for me.

I've been an insomniac lately

Favorite TV show?:
Grey's Anatomy

True Blood

Glee

Last person you went out to dinner with?:

My family

Been out of country?:
Nope

Believe in magic?:
No

Ford or Chevy?:
Ford

What are you listening to right now?:
A commercial on TV

Have you ever failed a grade?:
Never

What are you wearing right now?:
Black leggings and a long turquoise shirt

Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:
Of course

Are you a virgin?:
I have a 3 year old

What do you think?

Are you ghetto?:
Hahaha!

I think I left my ghetto-ness in Salt Lake

Are you shy or outgoing?:
Outgoing

Do you shower?:
Yep

Do you hate school?:
Not at all

Do you have a social life?:
Not at all

How easily do you trust people?:
I trust everyone until they do something to break my trust

Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?:
Oh yes

Would you ever sky dive?:
NEVER

Do you like to dance?:
Sure, but I'm no good at it

Have you ever been out of state?:
Yep

Do you like to travel?:
Eh, yeah, I guess

Do you want to get out of your hometown?:
I want to go BACK to my hometown

Do you drink a lot of water?:
Yes

What toothpaste do you use?:
Crest

Do you have a cell phone?:
Yep

If so, what kind?
Samsung

What kind of jewelry do you wear?:
Silver ring on my right middle finger and sometimes earrings

Do you have a tan?:
Freckles

Need I say more?

Do you get annoyed easily?:
Depends on the day

Have you ever started a rumor?:
No

Do you have any siblings?:
Yep

Have you ever been played?:
Ugh...

Have you ever played anyone?:
No

Do you get along with your parents?:
Very well

How do you vent your anger?:
I usually talk to my sister or my mom

Have you ever ran away?:
Nope

Have you ever been fired from a job?:
No

What is your heritage?:
English and something else

Could you ever be a vegetarian?:
Nope

Do you look more like your mother or father?:
I'm a carbon copy of my mother

Do you cry a lot?:
No

Do you ever cry to get your way?:
Never

I'm the oldest

That never worked

When was the last time you threw up?:
It's been a few months

Do you ever wear shirts that show your belly?:
Never

What about cleavage?:
Ha! What cleavage?

Is your best friend a virgin?:
Nope

What size shoe do you wear?:
11

Yes, I have big feet

How are you feeling right now?:
Exhausted

Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:
Probably

What is one of your bad qualilties?:
I'm too critical of myself

What is one of your good qualities?:
I'm great with kids

Would you marry for money?:
No

What do you drive?:
Ford Focus

Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?:
Mom's

What is your worst fear?:
Losing Mia

Would you ever join the army?:
Nope

If you were to die today, what would you do?:
Um... I'd be dead

Favorite band?:
There is no way I can name just one.

Would you ever dye your hair red?:
If it was mixed with some brown, sure

How many languages can you speak?:
Just one

What time are you finishing this?:
11:24pm

You Know What They Say

2010-08-06T19:44:00.003-06:00

Somewhere, some Weird-Karma-God-Type-Figure must have it out for me.

Seriously.

Every time I plan or anticipate something and I openly tell anyone about the upcoming event, something happens to it and it gets rescheduled, cancelled or it just flat out falls through. I feel like the biggest loser because of this. I got all excited to tell my family and friends that I was expecting a baby on 7/7/07. She decided to come on 7/16 instead. I tell my brother I'm going for a jog and ask him to watch Mia and it rains.

I'm going to test this theory right now.

Mia will be starting preschool next week, and I'm definitely starting cosmetology school!

Mia and I took a tour with the director of the facility today and loved every minute. Mia kept trying to sneak out of my reach to play with the toys or jump into an activity that the kids were engaged in. Her class is made up of 3 almost 4 year olds. There are about 10 kids in her class and there are 3 teachers to each room. This preschool is absolutely awesome! She will be attending Siskin Children's Institute. It's a wonderful facility that enrolls children with and without disabilities. It not only puts the disabled children into a mainstream setting, but it teaches the able bodied children to interact with and help the disabled children to grow. Having a brother with Asperger's Syndrome, it's important to me for Mia to understand and be around children, even people in general, with disabilities.

Siskin is a private preschool that enrolls infants as young as 6 weeks and kids as old as 6 years. I was really lucky to get Mia in when I did. There usually is a waiting list for some of the different ages. I'm taking this as a sign that this is where Mia's supposed to be.

We went to the store this afternoon to get a cute bag to carry Mia's personal belongings when she finally goes to school. She's been playing with the bag and all of the items all night, putting things in her bag and then taking them out.

Back to me starting school...

The last time I spoke with someone at the school's admission, they cancelled my admission for the time, but I have a slot open with them for a year from the date I registered and paid my admission fee. Hopefully I can start on the original date of August 16th. If not, I can wait for another month.

Now that all of this has been said (or written), I'm crossing my fingers, knocking on anything and everything that's wood and trying to find a rabbit's foot for some luck that none of these things fall through.

Hopefully the rabbit foot will scare away this Weird-Karma-God-Type-Figure.

Thought...

2010-08-03T12:15:00.002-06:00

Sitting on hold to speak to someone at a state office building for 28 minutes, only to speak to a live person (that you can't understand at all due to their deep southern accent and terrible grammar) for 2 minutes, is completely ridiculous!

Thought...

2010-07-31T15:14:00.003-06:00

Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and save the serious stuff for later.

McKenzie: You’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude!

Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?

[she scoffs]

Tom: What?

Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?

Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

The Story of Mia

2010-07-28T20:21:00.006-06:00

Four years ago this month, I spent a week in the recovering wing of the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah. Beautiful place. Lots of glass and granite in the design. Beautiful view of the valley.

I had just had my right ovary and fallopian tube removed because a tumor (that ended up being stage one ovarian cancer) was growing inside of the ovary. It was a very long and hard recovery which left me very depressed and completely changed. I was extremely lucky to have caught the tumor when I did. Because of the size of the tumor and because it was located inside of the ovary, my doctor was able to remove the entire mass and I did not require any type of chemotherapy or radiation treatment. The last thing the oncologist told me was that conceiving children in the near future would be very difficult due to the stress on my remaining female parts. That would have been great news for someone who didn't intend on having children in the near future. I wasn't that person. I had wanted children since I could remember. My dream when I was in grade school was to have a large family with a handsome husband and a white picket fence (give me a break, I grew up in Utah). That dream of a big family with freckle-faced kids running around in a fenced yard shattered. I was put on antidepressants after because I pretty much sank into a deep, dark hole.

About one month after I had the surgery I met someone. Someone who would play a very important role in my life in the future. Someone who made me forget about my problems and my depression. I threw caution to the wind and sluffed off my values and standards that I was taught from a very young age. We had fun. We laughed a lot and snuck around.

The relationship started to slowly unravel in January and by February we no longer saw each other.

C'est La Vie.

I went on with life and focused on work and family. My sister had announced her pregnancy at the end of 2006 and we all were so excited to welcome the first grandbaby into our lives.

I started getting sick around the end of February and decided to address it with my doctor. Because my illness was mostly vomiting and gut wrenching heartburn, my doctor ran a general urine pregnancy test, just to be safe. I was really scared to get the results. I ran through my mind the times I was with my "person". I was on the pill and we had used condoms, right? Um.. Yes. The results of the test came back negative. HUGE sigh of relief. Now what? My doctor suggested that I find a Gastro-Intestinal specialist. Okay... Lovely. Another doctor. I had a great referral from my grandparents for a GI doctor that wasn't far from my home and accepted my insurance.

The first step was an endoscopy. Those sure are fun. I'll save you the gory details and just say that I had ulcer-like boils lining my esophagus from the acid in my stomach. Next up was a colonoscopy. If I thought the endoscopy was fun, this took the cake. Liquid laxatives and enemas are not my first choice of spending a weekend prepping for this sick and wrong procedure, but I did it. Results: Nothing. Just lots of acid pretty much.

I'm getting ahead of myself here. Before both the endoscopy and colonoscopy, the nurses ran blood tests to make sure I wasn't pregnant. If I happened to be pregnant, there could have been some complications from the procedures. Both blood tests came back negative.

I was prescribed about a dozen medications to control the acid reflux, the nausea and um... other unpleasant things. They provided some relief, so I was happy for the time being.

Life went on. There I was, popping lots of antacids and anxiously waiting the arrival of my first niece. I lived with my parents at the time and my sister made frequent visits so we could rub her belly and talk to the baby. Every half hour to an hour I would excuse myself to go into the bathroom to vomit, brush my teeth and go back to whatever I was doing. My sister made a comment that I was pregnant. No freaking way. I had two blood tests that were negative from the GI doctor. Wasn't possible. My parents joked that I was suffering from sympathy pains for Nicole, but she kept pressing the issue that I was pregnant. What did I do? I did what any other know-it-all-have-to-be-right-type-A-personality person would do. I bought a home pregnancy test. I peed on the stupid stick, waited two minutes and showed Nicole the negative "Not Pregnant" result.

May 2007 came around and we were busy planning and executing Nicole's baby shower. After the baby shower wound down I was in the kitchen with my mom cleaning up the chicken salad, fruit and punch we had served for the shower. I was walking past my mom, around the island in the kitchen when my mom turned to me, poked my stomach and said, "Jeez, Ash, you're putting on some weight." Um... Ouch. So I had put on some 10 pounds in the past few months. Big deal. I worked at home with my mom in her daycare and didn't do very much physical activity other than chase around toddlers all day.

June 8th, 2007, my niece and first grand baby, Alisi, was brought into the world. It was amazing. I had never seen anyone give birth other than a very graphic movie in 8th grade Health class. I stood at Nicole's shoulder and wiped the sweat off her forehead while she was in labor and watched a miracle happen in front of my eyes. It was beautiful and so amazing. I remember hearing Alisi cry while the nurses were cleaning her up and weighing her. I had to wipe away tears of joy and love for everyone in that room. I never thanked my sister for letting me experience that milestone in her life, but looking back now, I should.

Nicole joked with the nurses while recovering that she would be back to deliver another baby soon because the chef salads that were made at the hospital were SO good. (Side note: Nicole DID return 14 months later for the birth of her second daughter, Sani. The nurses remembered my family and laughed.)

Life was good. It was a mild summer, we had a new baby to coddle and spoil and we had some home improvements to make on my parent's house, which always is fun to do (in my opinion, at least).

A week and a few days after Alisi was born, my dad and I were pouring cement in the front of the house to expand our patio. 80 pounds of dry cement is heavier than you really think, but it was well worth it.

I had a doctor's appointment with my regular OB/GYN the next day for a yearly visit. I got to the doctor's office, sat and waited with the anxious newly pregnant moms in the waiting room, watched moms chase their small children around the waiting room, read boring parenting articles in magazines and finally was called back to change into a too-small hospital gown to wait for my doctor. She came into the room and we chatted about my family, Nicole's new baby (we had the same doctor at the time), and what I had gone through the previous year. I told her about seeing a GI doctor and the procedures he had preformed. The whole time I was explaining the procedures, she was pressing on my stomach and had a concerned look on her face. I started to get nervous. This expression was similar to the face she made before she referred me to the Oncologist the previous year. She excused herself from the room to grab something and I was left to freak out internally. What if the cancer had spread? What if they didn't get all of the malignant tumor and it had spread to the remaining ovary? What if I had to have more surgery?

My doctor came back into the room with a little handheld monitor. She pulled the hospital gown up, put a sheet over my lap for modesty and put some cold goo on my stomach. She pressed a heart monitor wand to my stomach and we both heard a whooshing noise. Gas? Indigestion? More acid bubbling around?

She looked up at me and said, "You've got a baby in there".

*SILENCE*

I told my doctor that it was near to impossible that I had a "baby" in there. I had had two blood tests and had taken a total of 4 home pregnancy tests that came back negative. She said that she had seen mothers of all ages go through what I did and go on to have perfectly healthy babies.

What about the false negatives with the tests? BLOOD TESTS?! She didn't know why exactly they came up false. The nurses could have run the wrong tests with the blood. The home pregnancy tests could have been faulty. My hormones could have been so screwed up that they didn't read correctly for the tests.

I was in shock. There was a baby inside of me. Queue the waterworks. I couldn't be pregnant. I was single. I lived with my parents. I didn't really have a job. What would my grandmother say?! I needed to call my mom. The news was too much to bear alone. I was hysterical and panicking, so my doctor did the majority of the talking to my mom on the phone. Yes, I was pregnant. No, we didn't know how far along I was just yet. Yes, I was going downstairs for an ultrasound to clarify everything. Yes, I needed my mom to be with me. Half an hour later, my mom held my hand and wiped tears from my face as I laid on an exam table in the dark while a radiologist tech squirted goo onto my stomach. The first thing I saw on the little screen was a hand. A little hand with five fingers. I started to sob. The tech took several measurements and chatted happily the whole time. I had, what seemed to be, a full term baby inside of me. Congratulations! I started to apologize to my mom, but she wouldn't listen. She had tears running down her face and was glowing. She told me that she was so happy, that this baby was a blessing and not to worry about anything. The tech tried to see the gender of the baby, but it was stubborn and would not uncross it's legs. She told us to go get some lunch then come back to see if we could get the little bugger to cooperate. My mom and I went to Sconecutter and both cried through our lunch. What if the baby was unhealthy? What if something was wrong? I had had zero prenatal care, I was on a ton of medication and I hadn't been careful the past 8 or 9 months I had been carrying this baby. Hell, I was lifting 80 pounds of dry cement the day before in the hot sun. We discussed whether I wanted a boy or a girl. I said I hoped it was a girl, but I really didn't care what the gender was, just as long as it was healthy. My mom called Nicole to tell her the news. She and her husband had just gotten home from Alisi's two week check-up with the pediatrician. She was in shock, just like us.

We returned to the hospital and went directly to the radiology department. After lots of nudging and poking around, the stinker unfolded it's legs to reveal that it was a girl. A girl! A second granddaughter! I went up to my OB/GYN with a roll of ultrasound pictures and a DVD for myself to take home. My doctor estimated that I was about 37 weeks along. 37 weeks. (For those of you who don't know, a normal pregnancy is 40 weeks) We discussed the medication I was prescribed and she assured me that they were all "Class A and B". They were all pretty much antacids and anti-nausea medicine, which was very safe to take while pregnant. She gave me a due date of July 7th. 7/7/07. Wow.

I was in shock. Literally. I had no idea what to do or think. One of my mom's daycare moms, and good friend, threw together a baby shower for me. My whole family and all of my friends were in shock. This wasn't possible. The previous year I had had cancer. We were all stunned.

July 7th came and went. My body didn't want to cooperate to go into labor naturally. My doctor scheduled me for an induction on July 16th. I was to be admitted at the hospital on July 15th at 9pm to start the induction. I was given medicine to help my cervix thin and start the process of labor. 8am, the next day, my water broke and, because I'm the biggest baby in the world and cannot tolerate any amount of pain, I was given an epidural. I was put on a pitocin drip soon after because my labor wasn't progressing. As I lay in that uncomfortable hospital bed, numb from my ribs down, I was completely silent. I answered only when asked a direct question and even then, it was a very vague answer. My mind was racing. I was going to be a mom very soon. I was responsible for this little person. I was scared and an emotional wreck. As night fell, my labor sped up. By 10pm I was fully dilated. The nurse asked me if I wanted to start pushing to bring the baby down into the birth canal, or relax for a little while until the doctor arrived. I opted to relax. At about 11:30pm, the doctor had finally arrived and I was ready to push. This was it. Ready or not, here she comes. My sister and a nurse held my legs and encouraged me to push, push, push. I was doing great... Keep going... Almost there... They could see her head... At 11:52, Mia Nicole came into the world. She was silent. The pediatric nurses kept rubbing her back to try to get her to cry. My doctor had warned me that when the baby was delivered that she probably would be extremely calm because of the antidepressants I was taking. They cleaned Mia and put her on my chest. She was healthy and strong. No complications. She weighed 6 pound, 2 ounces and was 18 inches long.

She was perfect. I had created this beautiful little thing and brought it into this world. I had never experienced that kind of love and happiness before. She was my miracle baby. My joy.

And that, my friends, is the story of Mia.

Raincoat

2010-07-27T19:17:00.008-06:00

Three years ago when my sister was in labor with her oldest baby, she had the radio turned on to a smooth jazz station while we waited for things to progress. During her entire labor (that seemed to last forever, when really it was kind of fast) I swear I heard this song about 10 times. When I delivered Mia five weeks later (yeah, long story. Maybe one day I'll actually get around to blog about that...) I had the radio turned to the same station and this song played again multiple times! (This is probably why I gave up listening to the radio since the DJ's love to kill a beautiful song by playing it over and over and over and over) You'd think that I'd be sick of it after listening to it that many times, right? I was. Three years ago. Now when I listen to Kelly Sweet's beautiful voice it takes me back to those days spent at the hospital welcoming our brand new babies to the world.

Personally I think it's a beautiful song and she is an amazing artist.

(Her song, Je T'Aime, is the first song on my Blog playlist at the bottom of the page)

It's Called Life

2010-07-27T13:44:00.007-06:00

Lots of things are changing.

Sometimes we just have to stop and smell the daisies along the way, and be thankful for what we have right now.

Thought...

2010-07-27T10:58:00.002-06:00

Before moving to TN I had never seen a REAL thunderstorm.

It rained for a good 7 hours yesterday.

The thunder literally shook the windows in our house.

It was awesome.

Music is an outburst of the soul

2010-07-25T23:51:00.014-06:00

I'm pretty sure that I'm the last person on the face of the earth that doesn't own an iPod or some sort of mp3 player. So, yes, I still buy CDs and rely on Playlist.com or Pandora to get my music fix. The radio in my car doesn't work (something to do with the installation and it being a "hot" stereo. Long story...) so I don't get the newest cool songs ASAP like everyone else in the world.

Here's a list of what's been on my playlist recently:

1. The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

2. Feist - Mushaboom

3. Stars - Elevator Love Letter

4. The Real Tuesday Weld - Last Words

5. Paul Tiernan - How To Say Goodbye

6. Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un M'a Dit

7. Sia- Sunday

8. Band Of Horses - Our Swords

9. Meaghan Smith - Here Comes Your Man

10. Hotel Lights - Follow Through

What are you listening to?

Confession

2010-07-24T21:37:00.001-06:00

I really miss Utah today.

A lot.

For Sale: Three Year Old

2010-07-23T23:25:00.007-06:00

Mia has officially been three years old for eight days.

In that time, she's managed to give me triple that amount in gray hairs.

Three is hard! I thought I could sail through three because two was supposed to be hard. "Terrible twos", right? Yeah. Right. Two was wonderful! Two was exploring new things, learning to speak slower and more clearly, knowing that if Mia does it all by herself, she gets more satisfaction out of the project.

Three snuck up on us, took it's time to weave it's sneaky little weeds into our lives. This little seed was planted about two months ago. Mia started saying 'No' to everything I'd ask. It was a little different, I just thought she had started enjoying other things. Then the seed started to germinate little bursts of attitude and defiance. I thought the reason behind these changes were because we were in the middle of packing and moving across the country. I realized a few days before her birthday that this sneaky little weed was rooted deep and probably would hang around for a while. Now my once sweet and caring little girl has turned into an ornery three year old. She says 'No' to everything I say or ask of her. She is stubborn as a mule and always has do things her way.

"No, Mama! You didn't put my shoes on the right way!" (Then she takes off the shoe I have put on correctly, sets it away from her for a second or two, then reaches for the shoe and places it on the foot that I had originally put it on)

Don't be fooled by the angelic face or the golden curls.

This girl is a monster in disguise.

Pray for us. Pray for me! Pray that we'll both make it through this three year old phase.

Pearls of Wisdom

2010-07-20T22:49:00.002-06:00

I stumbled across this little list of funny words of wisdom and I thought I'd share. They made me laugh, so hopefully it'll brighten your day just a tiny bit.

* Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

* Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

* Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

* I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

* Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

* I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

* Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

* Death is hereditary.

* There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

* Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Birthday Girl!

2010-07-16T21:02:00.003-06:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful, curly-haired baby!

I can't believe you're 3.

Trying to put my patience pants on

2010-07-14T20:21:00.004-06:00

A person's a person, no matter how small.
-Dr. Seuss

My small person tests my patience every day of her young life.

Mia went to bed around 11 last night because I was out, and she sweet talked her Grandma into laying in my bed until I got home. 8:00 rolls around this morning and a little sleepyhead in a t-shirt walks into my room.

Since we've been here my brother, Matthew, has taken the liberty to get Mia out of her bed when he wakes up, usually around 7 or 8. This girl can sleep until 9 or 10, even 11 some days.

He definitely picked the wrong morning to pull her out of bed. She was irritable, impatient, whiny, uncooperative and just flat out ornery today. By 7pm she was beyond ready for bed. I negotiated with her to eat some dinner and then she could take a bath to relax. Not having it. She threw herself down and crocodile tears started gushing out. Thank goodness for my mom and her coercion techniques. Mia got fed and bathed and then WWIII broke out. She refused to get her pj's on or her hair brushed. This was one of those moments in my parenting life where I had to step aside, take a deep breath and remember that it was the exhaustion and not the little person that was shredding my patience and limits to bits.

We finally got her pj's on and she fell asleep in my mom's arms on the couch.

I can't help but feel bad for losing my cool after she's calm and the issue has passed. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, all I can do is leave the room and count to ten.

I can't believe that I've made it this far with her. The last two years have gone by so fast, yet they've taught me so much. I'm afraid three will be worse. She's already so demanding, bullheaded and stubborn. Of course these are all traits I possess and probably pulled on my mom.

Grandchildren are literally revenge against moms and dads from grandparents. And I know my parents are enjoying every moment of it.

Handmade nightgown from Grandma Scott for her birthday.

Look at that grumpy face.

FYI

2010-07-14T17:28:00.002-06:00

Low sodium turkey bacon tastes NOTHING like regular bacon.

(Yeah, yeah, I get it. Turkey bacon is TURKEY and not PORK, but I'm trying here)

Dunno who they're trying to fool, but come on.

It tastes like thin pieces of cardboard with a hint of watered down flavored bacon.

I think I'll pass on dinner tonight.

Maybe try and wrestle with the stupid Yoplait light container again to eat some yogurt.

DIETS SUCK.

Rant over.

Persistent, aren't we?

2010-07-12T18:30:00.002-06:00

Since I've been here, we've had members of our ward and missionaries stop by three times. Once happened to be tonight. I met one of our home teachers and the usual missionary that comes to our house (Elder Hayes). Nice guys. Get this: They're both from Salt Lake. One of the members that came over for a visit last week, his wife was from Bountiful, Utah. I don't get it! Is this a sign to move back to Salt Lake? Or maybe the good ones from Salt Lake move to Chattanooga?

Tonight as I was talking to my home teacher and the missionary outside (my dad's in Texas for work, so the guys couldn't come in as it wouldn't be appropriate), the home teacher made a comment about my Utah license plate on my car. The missionary (who is from Salt Lake) ran over to my car and had to scope out the license plate. He even sniffed my car to see if it smelled like Utah. Homesick, much? Cracked me up!

I know I wasn't much for attending church when I lived in Utah. I can't blame it on anything or anyone but myself. I really think I'm going to like this ward here. They're so laid back and non-judgmental. This is something I'm definitely going to take a closer look into.

Thought...

2010-07-12T17:49:00.001-06:00

Online dating is the pits.

Seriously.

Crazy

2010-07-11T18:04:00.003-06:00

Need I say more?

Lip smackin' good time

2010-07-10T20:37:00.010-06:00

Tonight we lit the fire pit and roasted some marshmallows.

Mia had never had S'mores before, so it was really fun for her to warm the marshmallow in the fire pit and get all gooey from eating S'mores.

First up, our supplies:

Pacca had to start the fire and get the wood nice and hot to roast marshmallows to perfection:

Waiting patiently with Grandma for the fire to be ready

Finally, the moment of truth...

Not so sure

Seriously, though? Who can resist a S'more?

YUM!

I've created a monster

A CHOCOLATE monster!

All in all, we had lots of fun.

We're definitely going to have a lot more marshmallow roasts in the near future.

Guess who?

2010-07-09T15:46:00.002-06:00

Guess who's birthday it is next week?

I'll give you a hint:

She's a diva with baby-fine curly hair, with ocean blue eyes.

Simple pleasures

2010-07-07T18:26:00.004-06:00

Sidewalk chalk, flower headband, a tank top and some cutsie panties makes the heat of the summer bearable. At least to a 2 year old :)

I'm literally melting

2010-07-07T15:52:00.002-06:00

There's this nasty little (Read: HUGE) heat wave that's hitting the east coast of the US right now, and from where we are, WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.

Sure, New Jersey is seeing temps of 103 today, but it's 99 degrees on my front porch. Take the sweltering heat and add in some humidity. Sounds fun, right? Not always.

As I sit at my computer, there are some freaks outside playing basketball.

Running around in their basketball shorts, in the hot, hot heat, bouncing a ball around.

After looking at the temps across the US, I'm debating on moving to northern Montana for the remainder of the summer. 67 degrees in July as a high? Yes, please!

I'll come back to TN when the temps in Montana drop below 40.

Sounds like a plan to me.

You're killin' me smalls!

2010-07-06T21:29:00.003-06:00

Amy March (from Little Women): We'll all grow up one day, Meg. We might as well know what we want.

Remember when you were 10 years old and you wished for more hours during the day to play outside with all of your pals? Remember kick ball and four square? What about riding bikes over dirt hills in empty fields by your house?

I sure do.

I also remember wanting to grow up and be a mom or a teacher, live in a big colonial style home and entertain friends with "grown-up" parties and drinks.

Watching kids ride up and down the street, catch fireflies and jump off of the swing set makes me envy their youth. Maybe "youth" is the wrong word. Childhood. I envy their childhood. It goes by so fast, and yet at the same time, so slow. I remember thinking that junior high would last forever, and that I would never escape their walls. High school was a blur, but it taught me so many other things than English, Culinary Arts or History.

I'll be 24 in September and I still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up". Sure, I just took out a loan for nearly $14000 for Cosmetology school and I'll definitely use my skills to get me through life, but do I really want to be a Cosmetologist my entire life? Will I be able to open up my own salon down the road? I have so many talents that I could pursue, but taking the leap into the unknown is scary. Hell, the thought of attending the first day of school in a few weeks makes my eye twitch from nerves.

I guess the only thing to do now is prepare for what comes my way and be optimistic about upcoming changes in my life.

Thought...

2010-07-05T21:04:00.003-06:00

"The time has come," the Walrus said,

"To talk of many things:

Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--

Of cabbages--and kings--

And why the sea is boiling hot--

And whether pigs have wings."

Have you ever wondered what Lewis Carroll meant when he wrote this silly poem for Alice in Wonderland? Sure, the book has SO many weird quotes and sayings in it, but this one seems to stick out for me. Maybe he was waiting in line somewhere and decided to strike up conversation with a stranger and this was the first thing that came to mind.

Who knows?

10 things I like about you. Or about Tennessee.

2010-07-02T21:48:00.005-06:00

So... We're in Tennessee. Pretty kick ass, right? Yeah, not all the time.

Since this is a new place and a new start, I've decided it's time to start making some lists.

Lists, you ask? Yeah. I find that I can prioritize my life a little better when I have lists. So this is going to start to be a blog with lists of what Mia and I are doing, what we've seen and what we're experiencing here in Tennessee.

First up... 10 things I like about you. Or about Tennessee. (Ha! I'm clever.)

1. It's pretty freakin' green here. Not even kidding. I don't think I've ever seen so many different shades of green in my life. Do me a favor. Walk into your local Lowe's, Home Depot or whatever paint store you come across and check out the swatches of green paint. Then multiply it by 100. It's that green.

This is a picture that I took off of our back deck. There isn't much of a backyard as we live in some weird hilly area. It's nice though.

2. It's humid as all get out. Humidity plus the heat of summer is literally hell. If you wear any fabric other than light, breezy cotton, you sweat like a sinner in church. I'm not exaggerating at all. Even at night it feels like you're breathing in water. The upside to it is that my skin is really soft. My feet aren't dry or rough like they usually get in Utah from the dry heat (This is where the "good" thing comes in).

3. Bugs. Can I tell you that I absolutely love lightening bugs? They put on the coolest light show at night and they mind their business! I can't say the same for other insects around here. Like these nasty orange colored beetles that like to fly into your face. Or two inch long beetles that fly and sneak into your house if the door is left open for more than 5 seconds. I swear the bugs here are HUGE! The ants alone can be compared to those big mountain ants that you see when you go camping. Yeah, they're all over outside. Just thinking about those annoying-as-hell pests makes me itch.

4. The rain. Oh my gosh, does it ever rain here! And without warning, too! The rain will come down in buckets and be accompanied by lightening and thunder. I love it. The smell, the sound, not having to water our flowers or tomato plants. The downside to all of this rain is flooding. Where we live there are no sidewalks on any of the streets. None at all. There are pretty steep ditches along the side of the road for the water to collect when it rains. Sometimes it'll rain so much that the ditches fill up and pour over the streets. It's pretty crazy, especially when you only have one main road to get out of your neighborhood.

5. The days here fly by. We've only been here a few days shy of a month and I'm almost positive that my body is still running on the Mountain Time Zone. We get up around 9 or 10 and before you know it, it's dinner time.

6. The river. Chattanooga wouldn't be here if it weren't for the riverfront (or so the locals here say). It's enormous! Sure, we drove over the Mississippi to get here, but we didn't see rivers like this in Salt Lake. Downtown Chattanooga is right off of the riverfront, so you get to see huge barges, boaters, people fishing and the beautiful, green land around it.

7. School! I'm enrolled in cosmetology school starting at the end of this month. I'm stoked. I've loved doing hair for as long as I can remember, and I've had so many people try to push me to go to school for it. The school that I will be attending is 10 minutes away from our house and is brand new to this area. It's called Regency Beauty, and I will have my license in 9 months. So. Freaking. Excited!!

8. Mia's going to preschool. Okay, maybe this isn't such a great thing that I'm looking forward to. She's almost three and has never been in the care of anyone other than family members. She needs preschool, though. I took her away from her cousins, Alisi and Sani, so she definitely needs the interaction with kids her age. I know she'll love it and learn so much. I also know that the minute I walk out of the doors after dropping her off the first day, I'll start bawling.

9. New place, new people. I haven't met anyone yet, but I know once I start school I'll start to meet a lot of new people. The only people I know here are my family. It's a little depressing to hop on Facebook on a Friday night to see that your friends back home are making plans and having fun and you're 1800 miles away.

10. My family. I love being with my parents and my brother. They're all so good with Mia, and she definitely loves the attention. This little girl has everyone wrapped around her tiny fingers, especially her "Pacca". She follows him around all day, every day saying, "What doin', Pacca?". She reminds me a lot of myself when I was little. I remember following my Grandpa Scott down to the barn, or out to the pastures trying my hardest to step where he stepped, but had a hard time because he was so tall. I hope when Mia's my age she can remember back to hanging out with her Grandpa growing up.

Mia helping her "Pacca" put up a fence in the backyard.