Seriously, Ash

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils"

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:42:00 +0000

I can't believe how long it's been since I've been on here. I'd very much like to blame it on a busy life, or some amazing event that took place, but I can't. Life is pretty much the same from where I left off last.

Work is good. I'm thankful that I have a job these days. I feel really bad for the people who call in every day that say their company just laid them off, or they went under. These are tough times, my friend. I personally don't see it, but you can definitely feel the affect of it just by watching the news or reading the paper.

I can't believe that I've been working where I've been for a year now. Okay, that's not entirely true. I started off as a temp on October 2, 2008 and got hired on full time on March 2, 2009. I'm sure that doesn't seem significant, but it's a huge deal for me. I think the longest I've ever held a job was 6-9 months. I think a lot has to do with my responsibilities now. I have a rent payment, utilities, a car payment, a cell phone payment and any medical things that come up for Mia or me. Being an adult is fun because you get to do whatever you want, when ever you want. But whatever you do, good or bad, holds a consequence. Unfortunately, everything I choose ultimately affects Mia. Once in a while, I'll look at my friends who are single without kids and I envy them. I envy their freedom to stay out until 2 am without having to arrange a sitter or are able to sleep off a hangover until 1 pm the next day. That envy melts away once I walk through the door from work and am welcomed by a squeal and a great big hug from my two year old.

Home life has been good. I've started to decorate the inside of the house with fall colored leaf garlands and decorative pumpkins. I've even decorated the front porch and around the door with the same garland. I bought to friendly looking scarecrows for the front of the house, too. I love this time of year. Our house smells like apples, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla. That is the epitome of fall to me. The weather has started to cool down and the leaves on the trees are starting to change colors and blow off the branches. We're pulling out our long sleeved shirts and sweaters to play outside. If I could, I'd want this season to never end.

With the change of the season brings some sadness. It's this time of the year that my mom and I would start baking goodies for neighbors and family. Since my mom is in Tennessee, it's a little hard to do. Sure, I can make sugar cookies and brownies just like she can, but I'm afraid once I take a bite of those soft cookies with cream cheese frosting, it'll make me miss my parents more.

My grandparents are back in the state from their caravan. It's nice to have them home. I wish they'd stop traveling and settle down at home, though. I know they've waited their whole lives to travel and do what they're doing, but they're also missing out on a lot. They haven't been to one of their grand children's weddings. I think the only baby blessings they've attended was Mia's and my nieces'. I tease my grandma all the time that they're just waiting for me to get married to come home for good.

Speaking of relationships, I have none. Wow, that was simple, eh?

I'm not really ready to start anything with anyone right now. I'm not ready to worry about someone else's problems along with my own. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm only 23. I've got the rest of my life to be with someone. Sure, I'm envious of my sister and my friends who are happily married with kids. Maybe I'll start looking next year. Who knows?

Well, that about wraps up everything for now. I'll leave you with some new pictures of Mia. She's growing up too fast.

(Mia dressing up in a Tinker Bell dress)

(What the?! How'd Rob get on here? Anyhoo... )

(At the ER after she dislocated her left elbow.

I don't know who was more traumatized, me or her.

All's well that ends well, yeah?)

Rat

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:41:00 +0000

About a month ago, Mia became interested in make up and watching me apply it. She'd sit on the closed toilet and pretend to put "pretties" on her face with one of my bigger brushes. Sometimes I'd put light blush on her cheeks to make her feel like she had "Mama's pretties" on, too.

One morning, as I was reaching into my make up bag, I noticed a spoon in it. I had no idea why a spoon was in my make up bag. After rummaging through the bag, I realized I couldn't find my blush. I must've taken it out and put it somewhere else. No worries.

About a week later I was drying myself off after a shower and wanted to put some lotion on. I usually keep my lotion next to my bed where I can put it on before I go to sleep, but it wasn't there. A little red shoe was there instead. I thought to myself, 'The spoon in my make up bag and now a shoe where my lotion should be?' I must have a thief.

I was changing my clothes in my room when Mia walked in with her teddy bear. She smiled at me, looked around my room and walked to my dresser. She stood on her toes, grabbed my necklace, put her bear where the necklace was originally, and walked out of my room. I followed her to her room and asked what she was doing. She squealed and ran in her closet and tried to shut the door. I waited a minute before opening the door. When I opened it, she was standing over a box of clothes. On top of the clothes was my blush, my lotion and my necklace. Again, I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Mama's pretties" with a huge grin on her face. I walked back to my bathroom, grabbed the spoon, the shoe and the bear and offered it to her for my belongings. She wasn't having it. She said, "NO!" and tried to shut her door again. I would've been fine with letting her hold on to the items, but she tends to do bad things with them. Like trying to stick the small end of the necklace in the plug socket, or lick the lotion off her hand, or put blush on the walls. I waited until she walked upstairs to snag my things back. I now shut my bathroom and bedroom doors when I'm not in there, and watch the sneaky little rat when she decides to visit when I'm applying make up or getting dressed.

Pros and Cons

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 02:24:00 +0000

The other day I was thinking about marriage and some qualities that I would want in a husband. As women, we always talk about what we want, what we're attracted to and what our future boyfriends or husbands should or shouldn't do in a relationship or marriage. It got me thinking about what I would bring into a marriage, if and when I get married someday. I'm not a perfect person and am, in fact, far from it. I have my flaws, my quirks and things that flat out piss me off. I've compiled a list of pros and cons.

Pros are the things I would be good at in a relationship.

Cons are the not so great things that ~~the guy is just going to have to deal with~~ I do.

Pro:

I can cook.

We're not talking about a box of Hamburger Helper, or Easy Mac that you pop into the microwave. No, I can cook a damn good meal from appetizers to dessert (yes, I bake, too).

This is probably why my ass and thighs are the size they are. I'm working on it. *Praise Turbo Jam and Buns of Steel circa 1987*

Con:

I hate dishes.

I think I hate everything there is to cleaning the kitchen in general. I'm not a lazy person, I just cannot stand doing dishes or sweeping and mopping the floor.

ALSO?! Do not EVER ask me to clean out the food trap in the sink or at the bottom of the dishwasher. Hell to the NO. I can't even be in the same room when anyone sticks their hands down there to scoop up the soggy food. Ugh. It's making me nauseous just thinking about it.

Pro:

I'm excellent at doing the laundry. Want me to Spray 'n Wash those socks for you? Sure! I'll separate, bleach, wash and dry those suckers. I'm also great at picking out yummy smelling fabric softener (Snuggle in Blue Sparkle is seriously the best smelling fabric softener)

Con:

I hate putting clothes away. It's just the clothes part, though.

{I'm a wicked towel-folder}

I'd rather throw all my freshly washed clothes into a wicker basket and flop it in the corner of my room than spend the 10 minutes it takes to fold and hang my clothes.

Pro:

I'm flexible. If you cancel the dinner date to stay in and watch a movie, I'm completely fine with it. You just better have a good back up plan.

Con:

If someone blows something off (a broken promise) I will hold a grudge and it's not easy to make that up. That may sound terrible, but if I get all dressed up to go out to a nice restaurant that I've probably been looking forward to all week and you blow me off, don't act like I'm the bitch by holding the grudge, mmkay?

Pro:

I'm easy going.

Seriously. With everyone. I'm the type of person that people feel comfortable around.

I have people, that I've only known maybe a week, come up to me and let me in on little personal secrets or problems that they're having.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a "Free Advice" sign around my neck.

Con:

I'm a woman and I get moody, especially around that special time of the month when all women should be cast off the island to do their "thing" in peace, away from the annoying opposite sex.

If I say I feel like crap and I look like crap and I'm wearing crap and my hair is crap, I probably mean it.

Sorry babe, but even your little innocent voice that is trying to get on my good side is just annoying the crap out of me and I don't want to be talked to right now.

I'll probably hurt your feelings and ask for forgiveness in a day or two, but don't get too offended. I can't help it.

Pro:

I'm a monogamist. I feel that, if and when I find the right guy, I will be with him forever.

You know how penguins mate for life? Yeah, I want that. I can see myself with someone forever who will raise kids with me, support each other in our careers, uplift each other spiritually and love each other unconditionally. I really want that someday.

I'm not stupid or naive when it comes to relationships and marriage.

People change.

People grow apart.

People have new goals and sometimes they don't include the person they married.

I get it.

I don't want to look back in ten or twenty years and tell my daughter that I didn't get married or have a lasting relationship because I was too set in my ways or picky. I believe you can be picky with the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with, but you have to be flexible.

Birthday Party Wrap Up

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:15:00 +0000

Well, we did it.

The girl's birthday party came and went.

I'm tired and hot and I would love nothing more than to sit in a nice cool bath.

The turn out wasn't so grand, but I think everything came together pretty great.

The girls got some cute outfits, sand toys, coloring books and bubbles.

Mia's dad brought the cake and helped me bbq the burgers.

(I secretly think he is so willingly to stand outside in the 100 degree weather, over a smokin' hot grill, so he doesn't have to socialize with my friends and family)

Thank goodness I've got Monday off.

I think I need Sunday and Monday to recoup from the stress building up to this event.

Here's to the next year with Thing One and Thing Two!

Birthday Wishlist {for Mia}

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:32:00 +0000

I wish I had a few hundred dollars to spend on Mia for her birthday tomorrow.

I know that throwing the birthday party is pretty big, but by doing that, I can't really afford presents, you know?

If I had that kind of money, these are just a few things I'd get for her:

Elmo's Favorite Sing-Alongs

Mia loves to dance and it's hilarious to watch her do it

AND she loves Elmo

Floral-Print Jersey Sundress

She is SUCH a girly-girl with her purses and baby dolls and dresses

I love these because they're so light and comfortable for her to run around in

(Plus, they're easy to wash and cheap if they get ruined)

Toddler Princess Light-Up Flip-Flop

Nicole and I took the girls out last week for some retail therapy and dinner

We stopped at Payless on our way home and tried on shoes.

While we were there, Mia and Alisi ran up and down the aisles, acting like wild girls while Sani crawled around trying to gnaw on shoes

Mia spotted these shoes and LOVED them

Not entirely sure if it's because they light up or if it's because they're pink, but she loved them. She tried them on and, instead of putting the sandal in between her first and second toe like normal flip flops are worn, she insisted on putting it between her third and fourth toe

I had to pry the shoes away from her and her bread-loaf sized flippers while she cried, but there's no way I'm spending $17.99 on shoes she'll grow out of in 6 months

Little Miss Flyer

We have a few riding toys that my mom has given us for the daycare, but they're pretty beat up and a little too big for Mia

This cute (and girly) trike is SO cute and is something that she's have a blast learning to ride

Play purse

Okay, Mia got a really cute purse for Christmas that laughs and sings with really cute things in it
This NEW purse has a CELL PHONE
Mia LOVES cell phones, and her auntie hates it
Nicole has gone through a few cell phones in the past 6 months because she ~~leaves them sitting around where little fingers can grab them and throw them in the toilet~~ is picky about what type of cell phone she uses, and Mia is usually the one who ~~throws it down or gets sticky gunk all over it~~ hands it to her nicely
Yay for new phones!

BOOKS

Mia loves to look at books and likes to be read to

Of course, she's just like any toddler where she gets impatient and flips through the pages to the ones that are her favorite (usually the ones with pictures of animals where she can imitate their sound)

I love these pop up books because they're so colorful and they keep her attention

We have a few pop up books that have been ripped apart because they get so excited to open the next page to see what pops up

I know I material things aren't how you show anyone love, but it's fun to get new toys and clothes for your birthday. I'm sure she knows how much I love her already.

Ready... Set... Party!

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:16:00 +0000

It's about that time again. Mia will be turning two in a few days and we're throwing another combined birthday party for her and Alisi. This year we've decided to wait until it was closer to Mia's birthday to throw it. Alisi has been two for about a month now, and things haven't really changed. I think the terrible two's gradually hit around 18 months, or at least that's when it did for Mia and Alisi. Some close friends of mine keep telling me that if I think two is bad, wait until they hit three. If three is worse than two, I might be putting a toddler up for sale. Place your bids now, people!

This week will probably be filled with stress and chaos as we get ready for everyone to come over for the birthday party on Saturday. Not only do we have the inside of the house to worry about cleaning, we've got a jungle of a backyard to try to weed-whack out. We live on a lot and a half and absolutely nothing has been done to the backyard. It's pretty uneven and has railroad ties that hold up a portion of the different levels. If I could afford it, I'd hire someone with a backhoe to level it out and put in sod, but seeing as I don't have a few grand laying around (trust me, I've looked) I'm going to have to do it myself.

A few things I've got to do to get ready for the party:

Get a head count of everyone that's going to be there. I love how you send out email invitations and people reply that they might or might not come. Don't people RSVP anymore?

Clean every room in the house including (but not limited to): the laundry room, my bedroom, the daycare room and all three bathrooms (yes, the one in Nicole's room, too). The majority of people coming over haven't experienced the "grand tour" of the house, so they're going to want to see every room. Note to self, make sure ALL drawers are shut in your bedroom. Nosey people.

Price and purchase inexpensive decorations. We did a few balloons last year along with some matching table clothes that worked just fine. I think the balloons were a little pricey, though. If anyone knows of a good party store in Salt Lake, let me know!

Make sure that Mia's dad follows through with buying the cake. I know the guy means well, but seriously, when he says he's going to do something I have to constantly remind him to find time to actually follow through with it.

Don't freak out on Nicole. We're doing this together and we both know I'm a little obsessive when it comes to throwing things like this together. I freak out over the tiniest issue. This year, I'm not going to freak. Promise.

Breathe. I know that, come Saturday morning, I will have experienced a few stress migraines. We're having a low-key barbecue and party for the girls. The Queen of England isn't coming (and neither is my mother), so I just need to chill. Can anyone spare an extra Xanax? How about a bottle of Vodka? Raspberry flavored, please.

Hopefully things flow seamlessly this week leading up to the big day. I'll be sure to post some pics of the party after. Wish me luck!

June 19th

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 02:46:00 +0000

I can't believe it's already halfway through the year. Is it just me, or has this year gone by way too fast?

I haven't really had much to write about in the last little bit. Work, family and home is about all I ever do.

Family: We've had some ups and downs with Nicole and her husband, but things are okay. I think Nicole and I are at a point in our lives where we're okay to be on our own, but together. I feel that I'm more secure and safe when I'm with her and her girls. We've got a big house and lots of bills to pay, but we're taking one day at a time.

Mia, Alisi and Sani are growing up fast. Sani is crawling around the house and yelling at the dog. Alisi is a chatterbox and is bossy as ever. Mia is just observant. I think she's going to be a very smart little girl when she gets older because she watches everyone so closely. We celebrated Alisi's two year birthday at the beginning of the month. I can't believe these girls are two. Mia's birthday is in a few weeks and Sani will be one in a little over a month. Mia's started to throw temper tantrums and is testing my patience every day. She throws herself on the floor, kicks her feet and holds her breath. I know she's just testing her independence and she's frustrated that she can't communicate efficiently with me, but this has got to stop.

Work: I'm very content to be at work and I actually look forward to it. This may have something to do with someone there. A friend of mine and I have kind of started dating. I really don't want to say too much about it because it's so new and I'm so superstitious about talking about things that haven't happened yet. I will say that I'm happy, and it feels good to smile and look forward to things again.

On a happier note

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Tue, 26 May 2009 03:09:00 +0000

Rereading my blog entries for the past month or so has been a really depressing thing for me. I'm sick of this depressing crap. I need some happiness. When I think of happiness, I think of Mia. So this entry is going to be about her and the happiness she brings me.

I love this little girl with every fiber of my being.

She is the reason I get up in the morning whether it be to get up for work, or to get her out of bed on a Saturday morning to make breakfast for her.

With one little smile she can melt my heart. With one of her mischievous looks I know she's into something.

She's grown up so fast. Some days I wish she were the little baby I brought home from the hospital.

Or that quiet little baby, who smiled at anyone she saw.

Or that bald toddler at her first birthday in her party dress.

I'm so thankful that you came into my life when you did. You make me a better person, just being you. Some days (most days) you are a challenge and you constantly test my patience.

But I wouldn't trade you for anything.

I love you, baby.

Love Mama

April showers bring May flowers

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:55:00 +0000

Update time!

Things are well. Just working and enjoying life. Nothing major is happening anytime soon, so I set little things up during the week to look forward to. Sometimes if I can't think of anything to look forward to, there's always the weekend. I've started to change things around. Change is good, right? I know it sounds insignificant, but I found a new way to drive to work. It's less congested and I get to see all the spring flowers in bloom. It's more relaxing than taking the freeway with ornery people trying to drink their coffee while driving 65 mph.

I'm trying to be more optimistic at work. People are always going to be ornery when you deal with their money, but I find that if I'm in a good mood and I'm willing to help, people are more pleasant on the phone and easier to deal with. I stress about money and finances, but somehow at the first of the month when bills and rent is due, things fall into place.

I took Mia to our new ward two Sundays ago. She went to nursery for the first time! I was a little hesitant to leave her, but as soon as I set her down she walked past me to explore the toys. She stayed for two hours and did great. When I went to pick her up, she was blowing bubbles with the nursery teacher, her shoes in the middle of the floor. She was so excited to show me her picture she colored of two little kids. I'm so happy that she enjoys church. I felt like getting back into church because I felt empty, like something was missing. I haven't been to church in quite a while and since we're in a new area, I thought that this could be a new start to things. So far, we've only been once. Last weekend Mia was sick with some kind of flu bug. She couldn't keep anything down and just wanted to lay on me while watching Barney. It only lasted about 24 hours and she's feeling much better now. I was a little worried with all of this Swine Flu epidemic going on, but she's back to her old, terrible-two self.

I find that I'm okay. I'm more emotional lately than normal, but other than that, I think I'm really okay. I'm happy and content with my life right now. I appreciate all the well wishes from everyone.

100 Things

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:58:00 +0000

One of my very good friends told me to write a list of 100 positive things about myself to make me happy, or something. It's taken me most of the afternoon and I'm sure a few of these things are not positive, but that's me. So, here goes. 100 things about me:

I am in love with my daughter. She is the sunshine in my life.
When something funny happens, I always have to tell someone. Doesn’t matter if I’m driving on the freeway and I see something and no one is with me, I have to pick up my phone and call someone to share it with.
I relate specific songs with people. If I know you, there’s a song out there that describes you, maybe even multiple songs.
I very much enjoy reruns of Grey’s Anatomy, The Office and Will and Grace.
I believe I am the greatest Auntie-Mama in the world to Alisi and Sani.
I am full of useless and random facts.
I love cloudy, windy days with no sunshine.
I miss being pregnant, even though I was only aware of it for 3 weeks.
My favorite smell is Sheer Freesia. It makes me mad that Bath and Body Works doesn’t include it in their “Classic” collection.
I take pride in my teeth. I spent four years in braces, I should be able to flaunt ‘em.
I could spend hours at the City Library in Salt Lake just watching people.
Although I’m terrible with confrontation in person, I’m great at it on the phone at work. The adrenaline of arguing with people gives me a rush.
There is no where I would rather be than to lay in bed on a Saturday morning with Mia right before she fully wakes up.
I have very big feet and am very embarrassed about it.
Same goes with the size of my rings.
I love nail polish.
I truly cherish my friends.
I enjoy doing people’s hair.
I get really happy when I receive emails from real people.
I’m a thrifty shopper.
I would rather spend money on others rather than on me.
I don’t accept compliments well.
I miss my step dad.
I could live off of cereal.
Water gives me heartburn.
I love wearing nylons… for about 10 minutes. Then they get itchy and my feet get hot.
I can’t get through the day without looking at PerezHilton.com at least 10 times.
I am obsessed with Carmel Frappuccinos from Starbucks. I’ve tried Beans and Brew’s knock off frappuccinos and they’re just not the same.
I dislike coffee.
I only trust two people with everything in my life. They know who they are.
If I tell myself I’m sick in the morning, by the end of the day I will be sick.
I have to wear socks when I go to bed.
I very much dislike loud noises.
I’ve read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn 3 times in their entirety. New Moon is my favorite. I still read parts of it before I go to bed.
I have huge ambitions, but I don’t have the drive to go after those ambitions.
I’m always tired.
I love flowers, but I don’t like to buy them because they’ll just die in a few days.
House plants commit suicide when under my watch.
I hate the word Actually because it sounds too much like my name.
I love getting my nails done every two weeks. It’s like a mini therapy session where I can vent to my un-biased nail tech about anything.
I very much want to go back to college, but I don’t know what to go for.
I love brand new lip gloss. Once it’s no longer “new”, I don’t like it anymore.
I enjoy camping.
I have a very wide range of music that I enjoy. None of which includes rap.
Even though I come across as though I’ve got it together, inside I am very scared and feel like I’m going to fall apart at any moment.
I wish I could read people’s minds.
I love pearls.
Black is one of my favorite colors.
I hate pink, but only on me.
I am in denial.
I love grapefruit
Fashion magazines make me mad.
My favorite comfort item is a quilt that my grandma made for my dad. I own it.
I hate when movies end.
I sometimes miss high school, but only the schedule.
I love the rain. The more thunder and lightening, the better.
I used to paint and I really miss it.
Same with playing the viola.
I use the word Seriously a lot. Seriously.
At home is my favorite place to be.
I like Wednesdays.
I hate, hate, hate laundry.
I wish I knew how to dance.
Every few months I get the urge to chop off my hair really short. It seems like once a year I give into this urge and do it.
I regret cutting my hair every time.
If I could wear flip flops every day, I would.
I’ve only had one speeding ticket in my life.
I’m not superstitious.
I like to drive my car.
The elevators at my work scare me. I got stuck in one for five minutes and I had a panic attack.
I love new pajamas.
I like to sing.
I like frozen strawberry margaritas.
Disney cartoons are my favorite.
I will never wear light blue, orange or yellow. Ever.
I enjoy vacuuming.
The weirdest thing I’ve ever eaten was cow tongue.
I miss working in the therapy department at the care center, even though I complained about it every day.
I sometimes wonder what I’d look like as a blonde, but would never do it.
I’ve never been on a public bus or rode in a taxi cab.
I say that I hate my sister and brother-in-law’s dog, but I kind of like her. A little bit.
I hate scary movies.
I hate to be scared, period.
With that said, Halloween is my least favorite holiday.
I have a hard time trusting people.
Baby dolls creep me out.
I don’t have a problem with bugs.
There is nothing sweeter than watching Mia and Alisi give each other kisses and hugs.
Other than cereal, I’m not a fan of breakfast foods.
I believe in soul mates.
I wonder where I’ll be in ten years.
I’ve never sat through an entire baseball game.
I wish my handwriting was neater.
I think I’m a good mom.
I always un-tuck my blankets and sheets before I go to bed.
It has to be cool in my room in order for me to sleep.
I’m a bad influence.
I like my job.
I am constantly picking on something.
I can’t believe I made it to 100!

March

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:25:00 +0000

I guess it's time to give my blog a little love and post an update.

Work: Work is good. I've started my permanent position and am just waiting for more training to begin. I've had a run in with a "senior" coworker who is intimidating as shit. Whatever. I'm keeping to myself and enjoying my other coworkers. I'm thankful I've got a job with today's economy, though.

Family: They're good. I guess my mom is moving back to Tennessee in May with my dad and Matthew. We'll see how that goes come May. Nicole and Siaosi are doing well with their girls. Mia's great. She's going through the terrible two's stage at 21 months. She throws temper tantrums, talks back in her own language, says "No" and is now trying to hit me when she doesn't get her way. I usually walk away from her when she's throwing a fit just to show her that I'm not going to put up with it. I can't believe she's almost two.

Relationships: I'm in the same place. Mia's dad and I are still seeing each other. It's a weird place to be. We're not technically "in a relationship", but everything is there with the exception of the title. Everyone who knows the situation is constantly trying to define our relationship status. I'm happy just spending time with him and am enjoying it. Do I wish it were more stable? More than anything. Am I afraid that when he leaves my side that he won't come back like he's done so many times in the past? Absolutely. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Because I hope that he has sincerely changed this time. Not only am I involved in this sticky, tangled web, our daughter is in it, too. She will be devastated if he leaves and doesn't come back. But what do I do? Do we continue what we're doing, or do I break all connections and let the legal system come into play with visitations and forced child support? What a mess.

Life in General: It's good, I guess, depending on what day you ask. In all honesty, life is good. Crazy and hectic and financially unstable, but it's life. I have my family, health and close friends that I love dearly.

I need a hot bath

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:39:00 +0000

We did it! We're officially in our new house. Okay, so it's not technically new, but new enough to us. There are a lot of things that need to be repaired, repainted, glued and fixed in this place. It's just nice to finally be out of my mom's. I told Nicole today while sitting on the couch that this house doesn't feel like I live here, or that it's partly mine. I feel like I'm a visitor and that I should be going home anytime now. Maybe it's just a weird thing that will pass. Sheesh, I hope so! My feet and back and hands hurt from packing and moving all of our stuff. I was going to unpack more stuff tonight in my room and bathroom, but I don't think I will. I rented a RedBox movie and I think I'm going to relax tonight and finish things up tomorrow.
Nate and I went to Lindsey's reception last night. It was beautiful. Lindsey looked gorgeous and Jeff was glowing with pride as he looked at his new bride. I'm so proud of her for going through the temple and actually getting married! She's a lucky girl. One day I might be so lucky. Until then, keep reading. Ha!

25 random things about me

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 23:30:00 +0000

A friend of mine on Facebook tagged me with this stupid thing. You are supposed to write 25 random things, pet peeves, facts, habits or goals about yourself

1. I get extremely annoyed at people who don't text me back within 1-5 minutes. It's infuriating to me to have to wait for an answer.

2. I'm very impatient and absolutely hate the words maybe, possibly, perhaps and soon.

3. When I get an email from someone at work or home in all capital letters, it scares the bejeezus out of me.

4. I am notorious for starting something and not following through with it. For example: weight loss, painting, writing, cleaning, movies (this makes my family so mad) and board games.

5. I love to cook. Anything and everything. When I've got all of the ingredients to make a gourmet meal I get all warm and fuzzy inside.

6. I'm really good at doing hair. Coloring, cutting and styling. I'm constantly dying my mom and sister's hair different colors; usually more than one color at a time. I used to do my friend's hair in high school for proms and dances.

7. I am addicted to Coke. Seriously. I cannot stop drinking it. I've tried so many times to quit, but I can't.

8. I'm a chocoholic. I love all kinds of chocolate at any time of the day.

9. I'm a terrible blogger. I go weeks in between updating my blog. Ultimate fail, I know.

10. I get extremely embarrassed whenever someone talks about sexual things. I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't be so juvenile, but I can't help turning red when someone makes a sexual reference.

11. I am in love with Robert Pattinson. And no, it's not because of Twilight. I was a fan before he was Edward Cullen.

12. I absolutely cannot speak to anyone in the morning without brushing my teeth first. No thank you.

13. I have a potty mouth. I need to stop because Alisi and Mia are starting to pick up everything we say.

14. I sing really loud in my car when I'm alone, but I stop when I know someone is looking at me in a car next to me. If they give me a funny look, I'll grab my phone and pretend like I was talking on it instead of singing.

15. I hate shopping for clothes with a passion. Nothing fits right and it just pisses me off. I just end up buying a greasy hamburger on my way home to drown my sorrows in.

16. I'm afraid that I will never get married. If I lived anywhere other than Utah, everyone would tell me that I'm still very young, but I do live in Utah and all of my friends are married, getting married or in a serious relationship heading towards marriage.

17. I am the whitest person I know. My legs are so white, they're almost translucent and they repel the sun. No joke.

18. I think men who wear glasses are sexy. Sunglasses or regular glasses. I'm not prejudiced. HA!

19. I hate when people don't use correct grammar or punctuation while texting. Seriously, how long does it take to use a freakin' period?!

20. I refuse to step on a scale, even at the doctor's office. I tell them that if I step on the scale, I'll break it or I'll come down with some sort of incurable hives. The nurse usually rolls her eyes and asks what I think I weigh. I'll tell her my weight from the last time I was forced onto a scale.

21. I love the way Mia smells. Even if she is covered in spaghetti and is in need of a bath I still love her smell. I wish I could bottle it and keep it forever, so when I'm old and gray I can open it and remember what she smelled like when she was a baby.

22. I won't eat canned peas. Disgusting things.

23. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. To some people, I wear my emotions on my face. It's pathetic at how people close to me can read me so well. Infuriating really.

24. I'm too forgiving. It's good in some instances, but it usually gets me hurt. I'm working on it.

25. I can't go to bed without reading. I have to read something whether it be a book I've read a million times, a magazine or a children's book.

Now it's your turn! What are 25 random things about you?

I'm still here. In case you were worried.

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:35:00 +0000

My blog has hit an all time low. It's been a month and a whole day since I've posted. For all of my readers (both of them), I'm still alive. I'll update in a while.

Obsession much?

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:36:00 +0000

Okay. I have a confession to make. I am addicted to Twilight. If you've followed by little blog for any amount of time, you already know this. But it's gotten worse. As of this last weekend, I've seen the Twilight movie four times. Yes, four times. I've paid for every ticket. Let's do some math here. The first time I saw it, I paid for three tickets (1 ticket= $8. $8 x $3=$24). The second time I saw it I paid for two tickets ($2 x $8= $16). The third time I saw it, I paid for two tickets ($2 x $8= $16) and the fourth time I saw it I paid for two tickets ($2 x $8= $16). Do you know how much money that is? $72. That's not even including the three times I paid for popcorn, nachos, candy and drinks! This is getting ridiculous. During the fourth viewing of the movie, as I was mentally kicking myself in the face, I promised that I wouldn't see this movie in the theaters ANYMORE. I refuse to go to the "dollar theater" as the floors are caked in some sticky substance that make your shoes stick to the ground and the seating is terrible, so following through with this promise of not seeing Twilight anymore will be easy.
Now, it's not just the movie I'm obsessed with. I've got eight blogs and websites in my google reader dedicated to Twilight. Yeah... Not only do I have minute to minute updates on the changes of the Twilight saga (GASP! Catherine Hardwicke is NOT going to direct New Moon!), but I'm infatuated with what the celebs of the movie are doing (Rob Pattinson is dating Camille Belle? No 'effing way) (Kristen Stwart was photographed smoking a bowl outside of her home with some guy?! Guess we all have our own ways of relaxing, right?).
I may need therapy in the near future.

Motion of emotion

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:07:00 +0000

This morning at work I received a phone call from an employee trying to verify coverage for his daughter. This particular employee was not happy. No, that doesn't even fit. He was livid. This guy's daughter is very sick and he can't afford to pay anything else out of pocket to see some kind of specialist. He was yelling at me, telling me that the previous person he spoke to needed to be fired and that he was going to sue the benefit company. I offered the options that I had for him, but of course it is such an urgent situation for him that the options weren't good enough. He continued to badger me and yell and bruise my ego. Side note: Now, it wouldn't have been that big of deal on any other day, but last night I got about two hours of sleep because of Mia. This entire week I've probably had a total of six to eight hours of sleep. Mia isn't adjusting to our new sleeping arrangements yet and has affected my shut eye. So when this guy threw at me, "You have no idea what I'm going through, being a father watching your child go through such terrible pain", it hit me. Hard. I informed this gentleman that I am a single mom and I completely understand. After this phone call ended, 45 minutes later and after my supervisor was pulled in without resolving anything, I burst into tears. Now it's been a very long time since I've cried. This wasn't crying, this was bawling, sobbing even. He hit a very sensitive nerve with the parent thing. I, of all people, understand the difficulties of being a parent and not being able to help your child who is sick or in pain. I had to step away from my desk for a good 20 minutes to compose myself before I could answer another call. Every time someone would walk up to me, the waterworks would start up again. My supervisor is the best lady in the entire world. She kept offering to give me a hug, but I knew if she even touched me I would lose it again. I'm sure this looks great being a temp. "Sure she can handle difficult calls, just give her an hour to cry it off". Damn it. Damn the hormones and damn the lack of sleep. I know that working in a job that I do requires some tough skin. I am the type of person that can resolve a problem and keep the person on the other end calm enough to get the problem fixed. I'm chalking this one up to exhaustion and hormones. I'm a woman for Pete's sake!

Twilight Review

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:24:00 +0000

Last night I had the great pleasure of seeing Twilight with Nicole and Linds. The movie started at 9:30 so I thought showing up an hour early would be sufficient for a good seat. Oh boy, was I ever wrong! There were literally 250 people in front of us in line. People had brought folding camp chairs, were wearing 'Team Edward' and 'Team Jacob' shirts and were generally excited to see this movie that we've all been waiting for. On our way to the theater, we stopped at Wal Mart to pick up some necessities (theater food and drinks are way over priced). I picked up the Twilight soundtrack while there and listened to it on our way to the movie. Lindsey and Nicole made fun of every song mercilessly (assholes) and kinda pissed me off. Okay, they really pissed me off. One of the songs on the soundtrack was written and sung by Rob Pattinson. I think it's a beautiful song and it's very well written. Nicole and Lindsey had other thoughts about it. Moving on.
I guess I'll just break up the review into points. Maybe it'll be easier to explain. Warning: if you haven't seen the movie, I really don't want to spoil it for you, and this is going to be full of spoilers.
1. Charlie. Billy Burke did an excellent job portraying Charlie. His uncomfortable relationship is thrown right out there from the very first scene together with Bella in his car when he notes that her hair is longer from the last visit. To which Bella responds that she had actually cut it since then. Cue the awkward silence. I loved the part when Charlie is cleaning his shotgun and Bella tells him that Edward Cullen wants to meet him and that she's going on a date with him. Charlie snaps his gun shut and says, "Bring 'im in". So funny.
2. The students. Mike, Angela, Jessica, Eric and Tyler were great! They fit the description of the characters wonderfully. Although, when Eric Yorkie was introduced, Nicole leaned over to me and asked, 'Since when was Eric Asian?!'. Eh, I thought he did an excellent job. Mike was the overly-protective wannabe boyfriend, Jessica was the jealous bitch and Angela was the kindhearted friend that Bella comes to lean on in Eclipse.
3. The Cullens. Where to start? All around they were excellent. Rosalie was very intimidating, very beautiful and very bitchy. Emmett was the fun loving handsome 'big brother'. Alice was tiny, beautiful and friendly and Jasper was very stand offish and you could tell that he was trying his hardest to control himself around the humans. Esme and Carlisle were great as the parents! There was the scene when Edward is taking Bella to meet the Cullens and they're cooking Italian food for her. Bella tells them that she's already eaten because she knew they didn't eat regular food. Rosalie is holding a glass bowl and shatters it making glass and food fly everywhere. After the little spat is over, Esme looks at Rosalie very sternly and says, 'You're going to clean that up'. Carlisle was breathtakingly handsome with his pale features and golden hair. I wouldn't mind getting sick just so he could tend to me. I was a little disappointed that the Cullens didn't have much of a presence in the movie. But what little parts they had were great.
4. Bella. She was the most disappointing character. Kristen Stewart tried really hard, but her acting skills just lack the flexibility to be feminine and relaxed. She is such a tense actor! But when I thought that she would ruin a scene with Rob, she completely surprised me. The electricity between Rob and Kristen was very tangible. She connected well with the love story throughout, but I wish she would just relax a little more.
5. Jacob. I loved Jacob! His part was very small, but what I did see of him I loved. When Stephenie Meyer says that Jacob is Bella's personal sun in New Moon, Taylor Lautner fits the mold perfectly. Bella and Jacob's relationship is so easygoing and carefree in Twilight. They set it up well for the sequels. And of course, Jacob's father's warning at the end 'We'll be watching' was perfect.
6. Edward. Oh my gosh, Rob Pattinson did a phenomenal job with this character. I have nothing bad to say about Edward. He was absolutely beautiful, intense, funny and just all around perfect. Where Kristen Stewart lacked, Rob picked it up. His little half smiles, his beautiful topaz eyes and his body (oh my god, his body) was just perfect!
Now, some of my favorite scenes:
1. The cafeteria. From beginning, the cafeteria set up the feeling of them vs. us, The Cullens vs. the humans. It introduced each character very well.
2. The Cullen house. I just loved seeing every one of the Cullens and their surroundings being 'normal'. I really liked the scene when Bella and Edward are listening to Debussy's Clair De Lune and Bella tells Edward that she can't dance to which he replies, 'I could make you'.
3. Tree Jumping. The special effects were amazing. Edward throws Bella over his shoulder and proceeds to run up the trees. Awesome.
4. The Baseball field. Everyone seemed to loosen up around Bella and be themselves. That is until Bella declares Rosalie out after she slides into home base. When Rosalie walks passed Bella with that fierce look on her face, it gave me chills.
5. The Kiss. Oh man. I think all of my bones melted and I forgot to breathe during this scene. It was hot, and very intense! I could see Catherine Hardwicke going other places with this scene, but I'm glad they kept it at the kiss. I don't know if I could handle anymore of the love scene in a theater full of 12 and 13 year old girls. Bella is on her cell phone with her mom telling her that she wants to stay in Forks when she's startled by Edward who has just come in through the window. Edward tells Bella that he wants to try one thing and to be very still. Then they move excruciatingly slow towards one another and lock lips. Bella gets a little excited and then Edward pushes her back on to her bed and it heats up even more. That is, until Edward growls and throws himself off the bed next to the wall and says he can never lose control with her again. Whew!
6. The hospital scene at the end was heart wrenching. Edward tells Bella that it's his fault that she's in the hospital with a broken leg, nearly severed artery and vampire teeth marks on her arm. He tells her that he will never put her in danger again and that he wants her to move to Florida with her mom. Bella gets a little hysterical and Edward tells her that he won't leave her.
7. The prom. It was kind of rushed and corny, but it ties things up nicely. Bella tells Edward that she wished he hadn't sucked the venom out of her arm and that she overheard Alice saying that Bella will someday become one of them, so why delay the inevitable? Edward leans Bella back like he's going to bite her neck and ever so lightly kisses her. Love it! Oh, and Victoria's at the prom, very upset. (I smell a sequel in the makings...)
All in all, I enjoyed it. Some of the special effects were corny like the vampires running. Supposedly, they ran so fast, it looked like they weren't running at all. The 'sparkly' part was actually done very well. The effect of Edward's skin in the sunlight could have gone very wrong but it turned out great. Oh, did I mention that Stephenie Meyer made her debut in the film? Yeah, kind of stupid if you ask me.
I walked out of the theater feeling excited and disappointed. Excited that I just got to sit through two hours of Rob Pattinson's glorious face and voice and disappointed in some of the things I mentioned previously (IE Kristen Stewart, the fast paced relationship and some of the effects). They couldn't please everyone, right? I really think that if you've read the book and want to see it, go into it not expecting to be dazzled. Remember that they couldn't fit the 500 plus page book into a two hour movie and that they only had 37 million dollars to work with. I probably won't pay to see it again, but I will purchase the DVD when it's released. So for now, I can listen to the soundtrack and enjoy the visuals in my head from the books.

Updates

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:05:00 +0000

Home life is going great! I've moved into my new place and the feeling is great. I feel free and responsible and peaceful (corny, I know). I can sit on the couch without feeling guilty that I'm not scrubbing the top of the refrigerator or baseboards. I actually sat through an entire episode of Arthur the other afternoon with Mia. Crazy, I know. I also live with some great people. Lacy is hilarious and always can make me laugh with her Borat impressions. Justin is a neat freak, but in a good way. His best friend, I swear, is his damn Bissel Spot Bot. Zack is very quiet and reserved, but comes up with the funniest comebacks, especially when he and Justin are bickering like an old married couple.
Work is getting busy. It's starting to pick up so my days fly by, which is always good. I enjoy the people I work with and I love what I do. Who knew customer service centers could be so fun? That is, until you get a "Test Call" from a stupid client that makes you sweat bullets and fear for your job.
Love life: Vacant. I am now taking applications. Musts: A good, stable job, is house broken, likes kids, is generally clean, good hygiene, enjoys long walks on the sidewalk and is honest and trustworthy.
My life is a-okay right now (knock on wood). Money is tight and stressful still, but somehow I'm managing.

P.S. Two days until Twilight!! You KNOW I have tickets. I'm dragging Nicole and Linds with me.

P.S.S. Thanks to everyone who wished me well on getting over the sinus infection from hell, the flu AND laryngitis! My voice is finally back and now I'm just coughing up the green crap from my chest. TMI... I know.

Happy Windsday, Pooh

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:43:00 +0000

I'm moving out. Finally. It's become very hard to live at my mother's house lately. Don't get me wrong, we've got plenty of space for everyone to coexist comfortably. Unfortunately, peace does not exist in that house anymore. If I don't move out now, my relationship with my mother will soon fail. I'm moving in with some great friends I work with. I am so looking forward to the freedom that this will hold. Unlike the last time I moved out from my mom's house, this time feels right.

It's raining and dark and blustery outside today. It matches my mood. I'm not ornery or grumpy, I'm kind of sad. A coworker of mine that I've grown very close to in these past few weeks is moving to a different building of ours tomorrow. This. Is. Depressing. It's only for a few weeks while this project is going on, but a few weeks is a long time for an impatient person.

I'm going to have pictures taken by a friend of mine with Mia this afternoon. This will be the first time since Mia was three months old that we have had professional pictures done. I'm thrilled! I'll post pictures as soon as I get them back.

Hopefully I'll see the sun today... This gloomy weather is starting to get annoying.

November 4th

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:52:00 +0000

I know, I know, it's been past "a few days" since my last post. I've fallen into a serious routine that goes something like this: Get up, shower, go to work, come home, feed Mia, go to bed. Get up, shower, go to work, come home, feed Mia go to bed. Don't get me wrong, I love the routine. It just doesn't leave much room for spontaneity, like blogging. So, I'm bloggin' at work. Shh!

I'm SO excited!! I bought three Twilight movie tickets last week for myself, Nicole and Linds for the November 21st showing at 9:30. Did I mention that I'm excited? If you didn't catch that, I am. I've been obsessively fine-tooth combing my Google reader through the several Twilight related blogs that I've saved for pictures, interviews and trailers for the movie. I've probably spoiled the movie already from everything I've seen so far. Who cares, I'm still going to see it opening night.

To feed my obsession with Twilight and the actors (Oh God, Rob Pattinson is a hottie with a sexy British accent), I received a direct message via Twitter from one of my favorite people residing on the east coast (okay, she's probably the only person on the east coast that I know), Fran, saying, "Edward Cullen (Rob Pattinson) was on my radio show this morning, Sexy British accent. Adorably self-deprecating personality. I'm in love.", I seriously started squealing. At work. My coworkers looked at me like I was nuts. My reply to this was something along the lines of, "Edward Cullen was on my friend's radio this morning! This justifies squealing!!" All the while blushing severely and trying to crawl under my desk. I have to remind myself to act like an adult. Say it with me: You are an adult. You are an adult.

Today is voting day! I haven't mentioned anything about politics previously because I hear about it enough at work and at home and I didn't want to discuss it here. Work politics always turn to the issues about homosexuals and religion. I just nod and space out when this happens. At home it's almost the same thing. My mom and I have different political views and for the longest time I wouldn't tell her who I was voting for. This would lead to a very long discussion (not argument) about the two different parties and why we thought the candidate we were voting for would make a good president. Not to mention their running mates and our opinions on them. It's been a crazy race so far with all of the media involvement. After much deliberation, I've decided that I'm voting for the Democratic party. A lot of this decision was made after McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate. That woman scares the shit out of me. Seriously. I think McCain is a great senator for Arizona, but he's getting up there in age. What if he dies? President Pa.. Pa.. Pa.. I can't even spell it, it's so terrible! So if you're registered, get out there and vote! It's time for a change. By the end of the day, we'll either have an African American president or a woman VP in the white house. This day will go down in history.

Still Alive

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 01:24:00 +0000

I survived my first week as a 'Customer Service Rep'! I was terrified on Monday to answer phones, and now, it's a cake walk. This week was really a test run because we didn't have really anyone call in. Ha! The schedule on the other hand is kicking my ass. I get up at 4:30 every morning and am asleep no later than 8 at night. I am SO thankful that Mia goes to bed around 7:30! I couldn't handle it if she went to bed any later. I've made some decent friends at work. They crack me up and keep me going. To them I am eternally grateful. I'm a religious reader of Heather Armstrong's blog, so I'll keep my mouth shut and opinions to myself regarding my job on this blog. The last thing I need is to be 'Dooced'. Not cool, man.
Life is still boring. I feel like all I ever do is work and bitch. My mom told me the other day that I've been really moody after I get home from work. Seriously? I just worked 8 hours, it's 3 pm, you want me to pick up Matt (little brother) from school, I've got a one year old attached to my leg and is freaking out because I won't hold her, my head is pounding from listening to ornery callers all day and you want me to be happy about this? Hmm... Nope.
I am stoked about one thing though. My Google Reader works at my job! Every freaking thing is blocked on the Internet, but my Google Reader FILLED to the brim with my favorite blogs? UNBLOCKED!! Perez Hilton, Girl, In Transit and my daily dose of Twilight-movie related blogs are my BFF's during the day.
Tomorrow, I'm going to get a big bottle of wine to celebrate my first 40 hour work week at the new job.

Procrastination Explination

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 02:56:00 +0000

So...
Job's going well. I start on the phones on Monday. Am dreading it very, very much. It should pass after I take the first call. Or throw up. Either way, I'll get over my fear.
I've been absent from my home computer for two weeks now and haven't had time to post pretty much anything. I'm so tired when I get home from work that only have enough energy to play with Mia for a while, feed her, bathe her and put her to bed before I pass out. I may condense this month's monthly newsletter into next month's, or get around doing it this weekend. We shall see what happens.
I've picked up a nasty habit that I kicked a few months ago. I stopped taking my anti-anxiety meds in the early spring, and ever since then I've been a nervous wreck. I know, 'excuses, excuses'. I'm shooting myself mentally and killing myself slowly.

Until my next post (in two weeks.. just kidding. I hope.), I leave you with something EXCITING! I can't wait for this movie. The 17 year old girl inside of me is still freaking out.

When I was younger, I walked to and from school uphill in the snow, barefoot, being chased by a bear...

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 21:44:00 +0000

I started my new job on Thursday and I liked it so much that I went back on Friday. Ha! But seriously, I really did enjoy the first two days. I'm in God awful training for the next two weeks with about 35-40 people. Let me just say that I hope I have enough retirement saved up so I don't have to go through a temp agency to get a job when I'm 60 like a handful of these people do that I'm training with. Here's a scenario for ya...

Really old guy: "If the customer is irate and yelling at me on the phone, I'll tell him where to go and how to get there. I'll even go so far as to hang up on him."

Trainer: "...Um..."

Me: (After raising my hand and getting the trainer's attention) "Maybe we should all realize that we're in a customer service environment and our job is CUSTOMER SERVICE. Even if they're pissed off and yelling, it's our job to help these people. We get paid to help these people. If some of us don't like it then maybe some of us should go into different professions."

Really old guy: "Well in my day..."

I really don't think some of these people are going to survive the rest of this training. Oh! And did I mention that half of this handful of people don't know how to type?? Yeah...
Other than that, I'm loving the hours and time away from home. Although, Mia seems to be more clingy to me after I get home, and demands more attention. I really hope this passes.

Stupid Doctors

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:12:00 +0000

I had my yearly exam/check-up on Friday with my OB/GYN. She did the normal humiliating and uncomfortable routines of a gynecological exam. She wanted to check my thyroid and other things so she ordered some blood tests. I got the results back today from her nurse, Jen. She told me that my cholesterol levels and other levels pertaining to my heart are pretty high and that I should look into seeing my family doctor. I don't have a family doctor because of insurance issues, so Jen referred me to a great family doctor that I saw this morning. Now, cholesterol, high blood pressure and weight problems go hand-in-hand with one another; thankfully I've got great blood pressure, but my weight isn't so great. The doctor was very sensitive with this issue and I was grateful to him. Not only are my eating and exercise habits terrible, I've got history of these problems in my family that makes it worse. I know a few months ago I said that I was going to start a new workout and diet plan. Well, like everything else I set out to do, I failed. I fell off the wagon and unfortunately, that wagon stopped in front of a McDonald's. This time it's seriously affecting my health. Mia is only 14 months old and I want to live long enough to see her have kids. I don't want to be like my grandmother who lectures everyone about their unhealthy lifestyles because she lost 75 pounds (miraculously) due to a thyroid problem, and has gained half of it back. I'm serious this time about eating right and exercising. The doctor has given me a prescription to lower the cholesterol, but it's no good unless I change the way I eat and work out. I'm just throwing a warning out there right now that my next blog entries are probably going to be filled with vulgar language and complaining because I know myself. I'm cutting all soda, caffeinated and alcoholic drinks out. All red and fatty meats will be gone and NO MORE FAST FOOD. I've got to do this. If not for me, then for Mia. I don't want her to be embarrassed of her mom's weight when she gets older, because that's what is going to happen if I continue living the way that I am.

Catching Up

noreply@blogger.com (Ash) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:16:00 +0000

I went to a job interview at a temp agency down town on Monday for a job that starts on October 1st. I'm supposed to hear back from them today or Monday. I'm crossing my fingers for this job because, frankly, I'm going insane at home. Oh, and I'm in desperate need for money so I can start filing for my bankruptcy. Yay.
The boy I was dating moved to Price with his family due to some financial problems. He says that he'll be back in Salt Lake in January to finish up his schooling. I'm kinda down about this. Not him coming back, him leaving so suddenly. All of these economy issues are fucking up not only my financial situation, but my dating life as well.
I took Mia up to Primary Children's yesterday to visit her eye doctor. He said her eye is looking great and he doesn't want to see her back for another year! Yay for Mia!